City Wendy

How I Threw A Budget Wedding In New York City

The following is meant to be a guide for anyone planning a budget wedding, particularly in New York City. Though these aren't exactly tips, but more a detailed list of exactly how we did things (with an itemized list of expenses, which I would have KILLED for when we started planning), I hope this post will provide ideas, inspiration, and resources for others planning a big-city wedding on the cheap(ish). Here's my story:

I got engaged in February and had roughly 5 1/2 months to plan a wedding in New York City. It had to be in the summer since that's the only time of year my parents come back to the states, and since I certainly didn't want to spend a year and a half stressing over planning a wedding, it had to be this summer. It also had to be a budget wedding because, well, we're not rich. We're not poor, either, but we didn't want to drop a huge chunk of our life savings on what amounts to a fancy party.

When some people say they threw a budget wedding in NYC, they mean they spent 40 grand on the affair. We did not spend 40 grand. We didn't spend 30 grand or 20 grand, either. Those don't seem like budget amounts to me, though I can appreciate that for some people they are. For us, 7-10 grand was an amount we were more comfortable with. While we ended up spending closer to the latter amount (a little more, actually). We could have skipped some of our splurges and ended up with a figure closer to 6 or 7 grand, which, for a wedding of 65 people in Manhattan, is practically unheard of.

Sure, we could have skipped the wedding completely and gotten married for free at the courthouse, but we wanted to celebrate the occasion with a party. We wanted a fun — maybe even elegant — affair with our family and friends. We wanted great food, good music, fantastic photos, lovely ambiance, comfort and convenience — and we wanted all those things without spending a fortune. This is how we did it.

Venue — $400

 

This was probably the toughest part of the planning, upon which every other decision hinged. In the beginning — the first couple weeks after the initial excitement of engagement passed and we realized that, "Holy crap, now we have to actually plan a wedding," we researched a host of options, from raw spaces to catering halls that take care of every detail. After some tears (me) and hair-pulling (both of us), we settled on the Conservatory Gardens in Central Park, which ended up being the perfect choice for us. Yes, it meant worrying about weather and making sure we had a plan B in case of rain or terribly hot temps (we were blessedly spared both), but it also meant getting a beautiful backdrop for a fairly intimate wedding at a fraction of the cost that ever other place we researched would have charged.

Permits for the Conservatory Gardens (there are three spots to choose from) are $400, but there are several other areas in Central Park to get married where permits are as low as $25 (space is limited, so those spots would be perfect for very small weddings -— like under 20 people). Our guests raved about how beautiful the location was, and our pictures turned out so pretty with the all the trees, flowers, and lovely natural lighting.

Invitations — $150 + $75 for postage (included postage for response cards, too)

We found these great invitations from Etsy vendor, Evapaul. We loved the modern simplicity, and though they customize color and font (and info, of course), we went with the color and font pictured. Invitations are $100 for a set of 50 (comes with response cards, too). We got an additional 5 and paid a little extra to get rounded edges. We used the same color and font to print addresses on clear labels and affix them to the outside of the envelopes. We sent email Save the Dates about 4 months before the wedding.

Marriage License - $35

Obtained at City Hall.

Officiant — $600

We splurged a little here because it was important to Drew, who's Jewish, to have a Rabbi who'd create a religious ceremony that was respectable but not, like, over-the-top. Drew remembered this particular Rabbi when he married friends of his ten years ago. We were SO PLEASED with his ceremony for us and thought he was worth every penny.

Cantor 

In addition to a Rabbi, we had a Cantor (singer), as well. This Cantor was special because he Bar Mitzvah'd Drew 26 years ago. Obviously, this was another splurge that wasn't necessary, but added to personalizing our wedding. His singing was probably the most memorable part of the ceremony. This was a pay-as-you-wish service, so there wasn't a set fee.

Musicians — $275 plus tip

We went with New Bards Music who were very professional, listened to our requests, offered helpful suggestions, and played lovely music at the ceremony. Per our request, they played Canon in D for the processional, and New York, New York for the recessional. We paid $275 for a violin-cello duo, but in retrospect, I wish, for $400, we would have gone with a trio, which would have made a greater impact given the size of our wedding.

Chairs — $260 plus tip

We rented ten chairs from Atlas Party Rental for those guests who needed to sit during the ceremony. We paid $260 (plus tax and tip)  — delivery and pick-up was included in the price. We kept the chairs through the weekend so we'd have extra seating at our after-party.

Photographer — $700

 

I found Naheed Choudhry on Craigslist and couldn't have been happier with her work. She was very reasonably priced, very professional, and did a wonderful job capturing the joy of the day without being the least bit intrusive. She does documentary-style wedding photos, which is what we were after, but set aside time to take plenty of posed shots, too. She offered a variety of packages at different price points. We paid $700 for our package, which included an online gallery and two disks of hundreds of photos. Eventually, we'll have to print our favorites at our expense, which will increase the amount we're spending on photos, but we'll worry about all that when we get back from the Honeymoon!

Rings — $1400 plus tax

I inherited my great-grandmother's engagement ring, which, of course, was free for us. We went to Little King for custom-designed wedding rings after I read a review on Yelp that called them the anti-Tiffany's. We were beyond impressed with them and SO happy we didn't go anywhere else for our rings. Not only are they true artists/craftspeople, they listened to what WE wanted and designed rings that were exactly what we'd hoped for (my ring, for example, perfectly matched my vintage engagement ring despite being made 82 years later!). Best of all, they were far more reasonably priced than every other place we looked at. We paid about $1400 for two custom-designed rings — a fraction of what other stores were charging for mass-produced jewelry. Love, love, love Little King.

Dress — $125

I bought a new-with-tags J.Crew dress on eBay for $125.

Dress Cleaning - $38

I had my dress cleaned at a regular dry cleaners for $19 before the wedding. In fairness, I actually had it cleaned twice because I got lipstick on it when I did my own "dress rehearsal" two days before the wedding, so I guess I truly spent $38 on dry cleaning...

Flower clip — $25

I ended up skipping the veil (cant stand the feel of anything on my face), but wore a pretty flower clip in my hair that I got from Etsy vendor, Tessa Kim, for about $25.

Shoes — $95

I wore Vaneli Modesta shoes I got from Zappos. They were seriously comfortable and I wore them from early morn. til late-night without a single ache. Drew wore dress shoes he already owned.

Purse — $10

I found the perfect fan-shaped vintage beaded purse in mint condition on eBay for $10.

Jewelry — $61

I love the Prehnite earrings and necklace set I got from Etsy vendor, Hampton Jewels, for a total of $61.

Tux — $500

Drew already owned a tux, but needed a new jacket. He waited until there was a 20% off sale at Brooks Brothers and then bought one for $500. This was also a splurge, as he could have rented one, but now he has something to wear to all those black-tie events we're always getting invited to (ha ha).

Undergarments — $30

The only thing "special" I wore was a this Flexees thigh slimmer under my dress. I also bought a couple of Spanx products (a slip and some "power panties" -- ugh, hate that term), but skipped both in favor of the Flexees, which slimmed just as well, but wasn't as bulky/didn't show seems and lines under my thin dress like the Spanx did.

Hair – Free

Bride Hair scares me, so I did my hair myself.

Makeup — Free

I wanted to look like myself on my wedding day, so I did my own makeup, too.

Wedding Party — Free

The only wedding party we had was a ring bearer and a flower girl, and we only had those because Drew's little niece and nephew were perfect for the parts (and our nephew already had practice as ring bearer in his aunt's wedding last fall). They came with their own darling outfits (and ring pillow), too!

Wedding Favors — $80

We thought it might be hot in the park (it wasn't!), so we got colorful paper folding fans for all our guests from Pearl River in Soho. Since we bought in bulk, I asked for a discount and they took 10% off the price.

Reception — $50 per person, all inclusive, plus tip

I can't say enough good things about Becco, where we had our reception. They're fabulous to work with — totally accommodating, very reasonably priced, with excellent food, perfect service, and a "relaxed elegant" ambiance (we rented the back room, which sits up to 100, and had a mahogany wine wall and two big sky lights). They didn't try to oversell anything or charge extra because we were a wedding reception. They offer several group packages, and we took the $50-per-person package, which included delicious appetizers (including grilled octopus salad), three all-you-can eat pastas, three entrees per person (swordfish, lemon chicken breast, and rib eye steak), an assortment of wonderful desserts, and endless wine, beer, champagne, coffee, and other beverages.

Music — Free

Drew put together a fantastic playlist — which included Fats Waller, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Count Basie and the like — on his iPod. We borrowed a friend's speaker dock.

Cake — $75

We skipped the traditional tiered wedding cake and had Becco make us a fantastic cannoli cake that was out of this world. It only fed about 30, but there were so many other delicious desserts, no one went hungry. We used the wedding topper that sat atop Drew's parents' wedding cake over 40 years ago.

Flowers — $250

This was another DIY project I took on (I have floral design experience...and I had help from two friends who also have professional experience). The morning before the wedding, I hit the wholesale flower market on 28th street and bought enough flowers for about ten centerpieces, seven boutinneires, 5 corsages, and two bouquets. I could have definitely gotten away with spending less (I had about $75 worth of flowers leftover that I didn't know what to do with), but I'm like a kid in a candy store when it comes to flower shops and I went a little overboard. You don't need a wholesale license to buy from the shops in the wholesale market. Just get there early, play it cool, and say 'no' when they ask if you have a wholesale ID; they won't hassle you. You can also find all kinds of vases, baskets, ribbon, and any supplies you might need (I recommend strippers, clippers, corsage pins, floral tape, and floral wire). Tip: check out Youtube for floral design video tutorials if you want to try designing your own flowers.

Place Cards — $39

We bought a pack of 50 of these place cards for $39 from Fine Stationery. I wrote guests' names and their table numbers by hand.

Transportation — $510 plus tip

We rented three comfy, air-conditioned shuttle buses from Shuttle Bus Plus to transport everyone from the park to Becco, about a 15 minute drive away. This was another splurge that added convenience, set the tone for a relaxed, fun reception, and (we hope) made the guests feel special (as opposed to all of us fighting for cabs or taking the subway).

After-Party

We could have left things with a nice ceremony and reception and called it a day, but we were ready to party! So, a few hours after the lunch reception ended, we hosted a small after-party at our apartment. This is approximately what we spent:

Booze — $125

Wine, gin, vodka, champagne, beer, etc. Guests also brought additional libations.

Food — $515

A friend of ours, who's a wonderful cook and baker and is responsible for the good eats at another friend's coffee shop, catered the affair as our wedding gift. We paid for the ingredients, but she put in the time and effort to shop and create an exquisite spread. Her menu was awesome and included: salmon and wasabi tea sandwiches, white bean artichoke and roasted pepper dip, three different kinds of gourmet cheese, lemon bars, and madeleine cookies (among many other delicious items).

Disposable plates, cups, napkins, and utensils — approximately $125

We hit Paper House on the Upper West Side for all this stuff — they had a good selection and were the most reasonably priced of anywhere we looked.

Dress - $188

I kept on the same shoes and all the same jewelry for the party, but changed into this dress from Nordtrom, which I LOVE, and which is now on sale for only $75.

Entertainment — Free

Drew put together another playlist — similar to the reception playlist, but, like, with Feist and stuff — from his iPod. He also entertained everyone with the premiere of his newest short film!

Thank You Notes — $50 plus $25 for postage

We've sent roughly 50 thank you notes, which we spent approximately $50 on, plus about $25 for postage. We found our thank you notes at Paper Source.

Hotels

Since we had less that 25 people coming in from out of town, we skipped reserving block rooms at one place and let guests choose their own accommodations based on their budget and wants. I ended up checking out rooms in several hotels and based on my own observation and our guests' feedback, I'd recommend the Hampton Inn (I stayed there in my sister's room the night before the wedding — it was very spacious and comfy...and breakfast was included in the price), the Hilton Garden Inn, and the Edison Hotel to anyone looking for good deals in Midtown, Manhattan. 

All in all, the wedding day was pretty near perfect. Everyone seemed to have a great time (some people even said it was the best wedding they'd been to), and there's not much I would have done differently...except maybe not stressing out so much beforehand. 

* Wedding and reception photos by Naheed Choudhry.

I Do, We Did!

If you're ever at a point in life when you're debating between eloping or throwing a wedding, go with the latter. A week ago I'd have advised otherwise, but now on the other side of the affair, I can say wholeheartedly that throwing a wedding was the second best thing I've ever done. Marrying Drew was the first, of course. Throwing a wedding was also the most stressful thing I've ever done, too.

Oh my, was it stressful — especially that last week. Everyone says it will be — common sense says it will be, but Drew and I were both cocky enough to think we'd somehow be the first couple in the history of marriages for whom the last few days before the wedding would be a total breeze. But then I got sick — and I NEVER get sick — but I was sick-sick (even two days before the wedding), like up all night hacking and barfing and definitely not sleeping at all. And the weather sucked those last couple days before the wedding, too. There was a torrential downpour Thursday night and several out-of-town guests — including my sister — had their flights canceled and barely made it in at all. Even the morning of the wedding there were thunderstorms in the forecast, but luckily, everything worked out; I got better by Friday (thank God for antibiotics!) the rain never came that day, and just minutes before I walked down the garden aisle in Central Park, the clouds broke and the sun came out.

And remember all that anxiety about walking down the aisle? Unnecessary! It was fine. Better than fine. Being surrounded by the people you love most, walking towards the person you love best on a beautiful day in a lovely location? Nothing better. Some of the pre-aisle pressure was taken off when I realized I wasn't actually the star of the show. That honor went to our ring bearer and flower girl, Drew's (and now my!) niece and nephew. I don't think there's ever been a cuter sight than these two blondies holding hands and heading towards their daddy at the Chuppah. Little Dylan made it all the way, then turned around and ran back down the aisle yelling proudly at his mom: "I'm not scared!" Thanks to him, I wasn't either.

The Rabbi said some nice stuff, the Cantor (who sang at Drew's Bar Mitzvah) did some beautiful singing, we said our vows (I choked up over mine — the only time I got too teary — and ended up skipping half of them) and we were pronounced husband and wife at 12 noon exactly. Afterward, we boarded three buses and headed to Becco on 46th street. If you're ever planning an event under 100 people (we had 65) and looking for a great restaurant to hold it, I highly recommend Becco. They're fabulous to work with — totally accommodating, very reasonably priced, with excellent food, perfect service, and a "relaxed elegant" ambiance (we rented the back room, which had a mahogany wine wall and two big sky lights).

After the reception, Drew and I walked the 6 or so blocks back to our apartment down 9th avenue, me still holding my bouquet — which I made myself — and Drew carrying a few wedding gifts. We popped our heads in our favorite shop on the corner of our street and waved hello to the owners before heading into our apartment. We had the afternoon to ourselves, but at around 9 or so we kicked off an "after party." We'd spent the last couple of weeks decorating the rooftop, cleaning our place, talking menu with a friend who graciously — and skillfully — catered the affair as a gift to us. I haven't seen a single photo of the party yet, which is a shame because I really loved the dress I wore and want to see if it looked as good on as it did in my head.

I can't remember the last hour or so of the shindig, but the hours I do recall were fantastic. I loved seeing my Chicago friends mingling with our New York pals, watching people who hadn't seen each other in years get to catch up. Again, the rain held out, despite warnings of thunderstorms, and we were able to enjoy the roof, which was a great respite from the heat of our apartment (a 1-bedroom gets hot FAST when you pack 50 people in it). Anyhow, I woke up around 6 AM on my bed, on top of the covers, fully clothed, contacts still in, and my hair plastered to my face. I'm told I passed out around 2 AM, shortly after barfing in the toilet and telling Drew I loved being his wife. Klassy!

The rest of the weekend was great. We did a boat tour around the city with friends and family on Saturday evening and spent Sunday afternoon picnicking in Central Park with my Chicago peeps before they all headed back home. Oh! And after the boat tour on Saturday evening, the bunch of us took a stretch limo back to midtown because the cost ended up being about the same as what a few taxis would have been and we thought it'd be fun. We made several stops and my friends who got out at the Edison hotel said they were greeted by papparazi who thought they were part of J. Lo's big 40th birthday bash entourage that night. Apparently, the framed black and white photos of the hotel that usually line the walls of the ballroom were replaced with gigantic, ridiculous photos of Jenny from the block, one after another after another, and the staff spent three days decorating the place to her liking. Sounds like more work than throwing a wedding. Almost.

The weekend was finally capped with a wedding announcement in the Times, something we got a pretty big kick out of. And now Gawker is calling Drew "such an AIDEN." As I said on Twitter, he's much more of a Steve, really. And I'm glad as hell I married him.

The End!

*Photos (with the exception of the last one, which I took) were shot by various guests. We're still waiting for the professional pictures.

Til Death Do Us Part

The day was perfect! Story and more photos coming soon.

UPDATE: We have a wedding announcement in the Times today! Buy a paper or check it out online. The friend who is mentioned in the announcement — Marguerite, the one who set is up — is in the photo above. She's the one on the left smiling us on with her new husband at her side. She met her match shortly after introducing me to mine.

And In Health

It's two days until the wedding now. I slept better last night than I have in a week. I started taking antibiotics, I gargled with warm salt water, I ate two raw cloves of garlic with honey, I took Nyquil tablets before bed, I took your advice and now I do feel better. Not great, not yet, but I have two more days to go.

Yesterday, I picked up my dress from the dry cleaners and had a full "dress rehearsal" at home, complete with hair, makeup, shoes, accessories. I was happy with everything (even my hair!) except the dress. Suddenly, it seemed far too clingy, too thin, too damn see-through. The seams of my underthings were showing through, the cups of my bra runneth over a bit too obviously, every imperfection — every bulge and dimple of cellulite — seemed to mock me beneath the far-too-unforgiving fabric of my dress. I had a meltdown. I hyperventilated. I pulled the dress over my head and smeared lipstick all across the front of it. I frantically dabbed at it with soap and water. I made it worse. I sat on the floor and cried. And then I pulled myself together, took the dress back to the dry cleaners and headed to Saks to look for: a) another dress (I didn't find one) and b) other underthing options. I also took a Xanax.

I feel better this morning. Not great yet, but better. I've taken off work for the rest of the week. I'm getting a facial today and going to yoga. I'm enjoying a quiet morning before things get hectic again. I got 6 full hours of sleep last night! My parents arrive this evening and tonight we'll have dinner with Drew's family and everyone will meet for the first time. Tomorrow my friends arrive througout the day. I'll get flowers from the wholesale flower market and make my bouquet and centerpieces for the reception. I'll have a drink in the hotel bar where my friends are staying and we'll toast to my last night as a single lady. I'll spend the night in my sister's hotel room, and on Friday morning I'll wake up, get dressed, put a flower in my hair and go get married. It will be a happy day.

In Sickness

I'm sick, you guys. Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick. It started as a sore throat last week and lasted about 4 days before I dragged myself to a doctor. I don't think I'd gone to a doctor for a sore throat — or anything else other than a pap or routine physical — since college. But my throat wasn't just sore, it was on fire and hurt so bad, I hadn't been able to sleep in days and was worried I might have strep, and with a wedding less than a week away, I knew I had to get better fast.

So I saw a doctor and he said I was fine — just a red, raw throat was all, and he suggested Gatorade and rest. So, I guzzled Gatorade all damn day and actually felt well enough by the evening to trek out to Brooklyn for a BBQ. Aw, but by Sunday night, my sore throat turned into a nasty, wet, hacking cough and it's only gotten worse in the 36 hours since. Now my wedding is 3 days away and I still haven't gotten more than, like, 10 hours of sleep total in the last week. Ask Drew! I've kept the poor guy awake with my coughing and hacking and barfing for the last couple of nights. We're both so exhausted, I don't think either of us could tell you our middle names. Really! Ask me! I haven't a clue.

There's still rain in the forecast for Friday, but I don't even care anymore. I don't care about the nerves, the anxiety over walking down the aisle and saying my vows in front of everyone, the worry that my hair will look stupid. I just want to be well on my wedding day. So send some good vibes my way, would you?

Don't Make Me Over

I'm not much of a crafter, but there are several elements of my wedding that I am DIY-ing (or, I guess DIMyselfing, really). I couldn't be bothered with folding the invitations like origami cranes or making placecards out of, like, pressed hydrangeas or anything, but as a former floral designer I think I can handle making my own bouquet, Drew's boutonniere, and ten small centerpieces for the reception. I'm also taking a stab at doing my hair and makeup — I figure if I take care of that stuff on my own every day anyway, why can't I do it for my wedding day? But I figured a tutorial wouldn't hurt, so this past Friday afternoon, I stopped by Sephora for a little bridal makeover before purchasing some new makeup products for the occasion.

I took one look at the "makeup artist" I got paired with and knew things weren't going to go well at all. With her teased bags, navy blue eyeliner caked raccoon-style around her eyes, heavily-lined bright pink lips and matching long pink fingernails, and a crisp white dress shirt tucked into a pair of those Juicy Couture velour pants, she looked like a rejected extra from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. "Oh dear," I thought, "this is not going to be good." But how do you tactfully get out of such a situation? You can't very well say you want a makeover and then just suddenly change your mind when you find yourself face-to-face with a stylist who looks like she's 20 years too late for a starring role in "Heathers."

"So, you're getting marreeeeed?" she squealed when I told her why I was there.
"Yeah," I replied.
"OH MY GAWD! That's, like, SOOOO exciting!!!I love weddings — they're, like, my favorite thing! Are you so excited?"
"Yeah, I'm getting pretty excited."
"Are you gonna get married in a big church?"
"No," I said, "the wedding's in Central Park, actually."
"Ooooohh," she replied sympathetically like I'd just confessed my fiance was incarcerated and we were having the ceremony at his jailhouse, "Well, that's okay," she said patting my shoulder, "I'm sure it'll be just fine! Are you wearing a pretty dress at least?"
"Yeah, I think it's pretty. It's simple, you know. Not poofy or anything. It's from JCrew, but I got it on eBay."
"Oh." she said and quickly changed the subject. "What about a cake?"
"Actually, we're not going to have a wedding cake," I replied, "I mean, not a traditional one with, like, tiers and a topper and stuff. We'll just have an assortment of desserts and a small cannoli cake."
"Oh..." she said again, completely deflated, "How do your parents feel about all this?"
"I'm sorry?" I asked.
"Are your parents okay with this being....um, a uh, casual wedding?"
I then suggested we get started on my makeup so I could get it over with, pretend to like it, and get on with my life.

After she picked out some stuff according to my desire for a "natural" look, she took out a giant paint brush and —  I shit you not — literally starting painting makeup all over my face like she was the Bob Ross of makeup artists. Then, rather than pick a feature or something to complement me on like they always do on all those makeover shows, she started ranting about ugly I am — how I'm like one of the most hideous looking people she's ever had the displeasure of working with.

"It's very hard to work with your face," she said, furrowing her glossy brows, "because you're SO pale, but you have these really dark circles under your eyes...and you know, lots of freckles we need to cover up."
"You don't have to cover my freckles," I replied, "I don't mind them."
"They won't look good in photos," she said matter-of-factly, "And neither will your dry skin. Wow, it's really dry!! Do you do anything to care for it?"
"Well, I wear a lot of sunscreen." I replied, starting to feel a little defensive. "And I put on moisturizer and eye cream every night."
"Hmm," she said, unconvinced. "You have short eyebrows."
"What?" I asked.
"Your eyebrows," she said, "they're short. I mean, they just stop. Like halfway before they should stop. I'll do my best to fill them in, but I can't promise anything."
"Um, whatever." I said. "Do whatever. I don't care."
As she continued to work on making me look less like the monster I am, she turned the subject back to the wedding and how awful it's going to be.
"So, your parents really don't care that it's just going to be in a park and you're not wearing a nice dress?"
"Well...." I said, trying to figure out exactly how to reply to something like that, "my parents aren't like that."
"Are you going to have kids?" she asked. "I bet your parents are really ready for grandkids!"
"Yeah, I guess they'll enjoy being grandparents." I replied.
"I mean, you'll probably want to get started really soon, right? Because of your age?" she said.

Look, I know I don't look 18 anymore, and I know I'm not, like, a super model or anything, but at 32, I think I can still pass for mid to late 20's on a good day, and other than a few nasty internet trolls, no one else has ever accused me of being unfortunate looking, so I'm just not sure where all this was coming from, and frankly, I'd had enough.

"I think we're done here," I said to her.
"Oh, but we still have to do your lips!!" she said.
"No," I replied, "I'm good. My lips are good."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I've never been more sure about anything in my life actually."
"Okay," she said, "but you have to look in the mirror before you go! I swear, you look SO MUCH BETTER NOW!" she said. And then she handed me the mirror, and internet, if there was ever a time I wished I'd taken a photo to share with you, that was it. But I was so verklmept, so shocked by how OLD and TIRED I looked and how much like a boozy flight attendant who'd just gotten off a 17-hour flight across the Pacific, and so NOT like a fresh-faced, pretty bride, that I hightailed it out of there as quickly as I could, ran home and scrubbed my face raw.

Needless to say, I'll definitely be doing my own makeup on Friday. And yes, I think my parents are fine with it.

Things I'll Remember About The Summer I Got Married

With just 8 more days to go until the wedding, the final countdown is ON. I think the anxiety is starting to get to me, though. I haven't slept well the last couple of nights and this morning I woke up feeling like my throat had been rubbed raw with sandpaper. I also feel a little pukey, to which my mother, of course, would excitedly say: "Morning sickness?!" Well, yeah, but not that kind. It seems, instead, I have a serious case of The Nerves.

But I'm trying not to think about all the things that still have to be done in the next 8 days, or how the second group of musicians I've hired has now gone AWOL just like the first group and they aren't returning my emails or phone calls. And I'm trying not to think about the thunderstorms now forecasted for the wedding day and how, if we have to move things indoors, ugh, EVERYTHING WILL BE RUINED (except that little part about marrying the man I love — there's still that I guess).

So, I'm trying not to think about all that stuff, and trying, instead, to focus on the good things I'll remember about the summer I got married. Like, I'll remember how, starting around two months or so before the wedding, I'd wake up in the morning and say to Drew "Two more months until we get married!" and then "Eight more weeks!" and then "One more month!" and then, before we knew it, I was saying: "Ten more days until we're married!" And it came just as quickly as that and every day I got a little more excited (and nervous) and a little happier to be so excited. And in those final few days before we got married it seemed hard to remember a time before the excitement and before I knew Drew.

On the summer solstice, 5 weeks before the wedding, I took a free yoga class in Times Square and suddenly something clicked. I felt like maybe this was something that could ground me in New York and help me stay connected to myself in a harried city during a harried summer. So I joined a studio and started going to class four or five times a week and after three weeks, I felt different — stronger, calmer, a little less harried. Some of the stretches and the fluidity between poses reminded me of the ballet classes I took when I was a kid. I went to class after school four days a week for four years and I loved it. I would have kept doing it but I was getting to the age where girls had to decide to be serious about it or stop doing it altogether, and I didn't want to be serious about it — I just wanted to twirl from one side of a room to another a few times a week. So I quit.

Sometimes in the summer I got married, I would remember a time before I met Drew. I'd remember a lot actually, and sometimes I'd miss it, and sometimes I'd think of something and wish Drew could have been there, too, to remember and miss it with me. Mostly, though, I was glad to have my own history, something distinctly mine that I could share with Drew in stories and pictures and the people I kept. And I was glad to have a whole shared future to daydream about with him. We'd imagine the kids we'd have some day and the house we might buy and the projects we'd create. And never was fantasizing about my future as much fun as it was the summer I got married when everything was a blank canvas and I had the perfect person to paint it with.

God, I'm ready to get on with it.

Three Weeks, One Day

It doesn't seem possible, but the more I cross off my to-do list, the longer the damn thing gets. The wedding's three weeks away now and if there was a part of my brain a month ago still reserved for anything else, it's certainly been filled with thoughts of shape-forming slips, place cards, breaking in new shoes, and HOLY SHIT, I'M GETTING MARRIED THIS MONTH by now. I keep waiting for the moment "it all feels real" — something you hear people in the midst of life-changing events talk about — but instead, I've had a series of moments that feel surreal (getting our marriage license, trying on our wedding bands, trying to write my vows). This past Sunday night while saying good-bye to my grandmother after spending the weekend in St. Louis, she hugged me tight and said, "The next time I see you you'll be a married woman." A married woman! Me! Wasn't it just yesterday I was a awkward 12-year-old wondering if I'd ever kiss a boy?

People keep asking if I'm getting excited and I don't know quite how to answer. Usually I say something like, "I'm excited to be done with the planning," and that's the truth. God, that's the truth. I've only been to a handful of weddings in my life, and having never given my own wedding much thought before I was actually engaged, I was woefully unprepared for just how much work planning one would be. Drew's been great — it's not like I've been going it alone, but even so, there are so many details to attend to, so many tedious things taking up precious space in my brain. And there are big things, too, like how I'm going to spend the rest of my life with Drew, and — wow — I really found the person I want to do that with. So, yeah, I'm excited, but I'm nervous as hell, too.

There are two things making me especially anxious right now. The first one is something anyone who knows me well might roll his or her eyes at, but I'm totally freaked out about being the center of so much attention for one day. Actually, it's really more like 10 or 20 minutes I'll be the focus, since I'm sure everyone will be happily catching up with people at the reception they haven't seen in a while, but for those 10 or 20 minutes, all eyes will be on me and the thought of it makes me nauseous. There's so much emphasis on the bride's appearance and it's all just a little terrifying. I hate thinking so much about what I'm going to look like and what people are going to think, but I can't help it — it's part of the whole Wedding Industrial Complex, I guess, and I've been swept into it despite myself.

The thing is, though, I'm really not doing anything all that special — I'm wearing a very simple dress, skipping the veil, and doing my own makeup and hair — God, what am I going to do with my hair? — and I'm just sort of worried it won't be enough. Like, I won't be "bridally" enough or something. Even going the minimal route has been way more thought than I care to put into my appearance. New shoes, new dress, new purse, a flower thingamajig for my hair, new makeup, a shape-forming full slip, for God's sake — something I didn't even know existed until yesterday — and it's all kind of freaking me out. I keep thinking about the wedding photos and how we'll have them for the rest of our lives and how they'll be passed down to our children and their children and — my God, the pressure. I don't want to look like an asshole.

Anyway, the second thing I've been really nervous about is saying my vows in front of so many people. I mean, honestly, saying my vows in front of 5 people would be too many, but this will be, like, 10 and a half times that and I was dumb enough to suggest writing them ourselves. Every time I start jotting something down, I think about how I'm going to have to actually say the words outloud in front of real people — my words, my heartfelt words about how much I love Drew and how I promise to give my very best to make our marriage a happy and successful one. How do I make something like that not sound trite?

I guess there's a third thing I'm worried about (and a fourth and fifth and so on): the tears! I hate — I mean, I DESPISE — crying in front of people. It's so embarrassing. Because when I cry, I don't have just a couple dainty, lady-like tears roll down my face and that's the end of it. No, when I cry, my entire face is soaked in a matter of seconds and it's nearly impossible to stop myself. My tear ducts only know "on" and "off," not "trickle lightly," and every time I cry, it's like I cry for every time before when I managed not to cry. It's awful! And I don't want to lose it like that in front of all those people.

So, these are the things on my mind these days — pretty normal anxieties for a bride-to-be, I guess. And other than Xanax, there's probably not much I can do to help calm myself down. Or maybe there is? If you've been through this and have advice — or, words of wisdom or whatever — I'm all ears.

Meet Me In St. Louis

Tomorrow, Drew and I are flying to Missouri for a long weekend with my entire family. Everyone will be there — my sister Allison is flying in from Austin, my dad, who's been staying with her as she's recuperated from an accident, flew in earlier this week, and so did my mom, who's spending her summer off in the states like always. On Saturday we'll meet up with the whole extended family to celebrate my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. For Drew, who has only met some of the extended family once or twice and hasn't seen my immediate family in a year, it should be a sort of crash-course experience in what it's like to be related to these people. I hope they don't disappoint.

This'll be the first time I'm seeing my Mom since I got engaged in February and I expect the weekend to double as a sort of last-minute wedding prep session extravaganza. It'll be like all the emails she's sent me in the last few months come to life. And it should be double the fun, really, because, in addition to the wedding in New York, my parents are throwing us a reception in St. Louis the following weekend, mostly for the benefit of my grandparents who are too feeble to fly out east. But to be honest, it's been kind of a relief to have that second reception in my back pocket, because any time my Mom has a suggestion for the wedding, I can just say, "Oh, that sounds great — why don't we do that for the reception in St. Louis?" You want to be indoors for the ceremony? We'll be indoors in St. Louis! You want to hire a wedding DJ? Let's get one in St. Louis! You want a triple-tiered yellow wedding cake with chocolate fondant and a traditional topper that can be passed down to your grandkids? ST. LOUIS!!

Speaking of grandkids, I'm already prepping myself for the endless questions about when they're coming. Yesterday I was IMing with my mom and I mentioned that I'd weighed myself for the first time in a couple months and I'd apparently lost 7 pounds. "But I don't look any smaller, and my clothes don't fit any differently," I said. "ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T PREGNANT?" Mom quickly replied. Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure, but then again, I didn't realize that weight loss was a symptom of pregnancy, so what do I know.

Last summer when I was visiting the family in Missouri, I made the mistake of offhandedly saying something to effect of how one day, when I have kids, I might like to drop them off with my parents for part of the summer, so Drew and I could have, like, a break and my kids could put down some roots in the midwest. My mom heard that and ran with it. "Oh!" she exclaimed between bites of her breakfast, "Oh! I could take them to the library! And check out books for them! And teach them how to read! And! The pool! Your father and I could take them to the pool! And the zoo! And minor league baseball games!!! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Ed?" she said to my dad. "Whatever you say, Becky," he repIied, wiping up his fried egg with a piece of toast. I quickly changed the subject, but every few minutes, just when I thought we'd dropped it for good, my mom would pipe in: "And bible school! So they could learn all about Jesus! Even though they're going to be Jewish! It doesn't hurt to learn about him at least!" and "And shopping! For school clothes! Just like your grandparents did with you girls every summer!! Oh!!!"

I mentioned it's going to be a long weekend, right? Friday through Monday. ...Wish us luck.

Mind Over Madness

I've heard plenty of women, who, when they get pregnant or become brand new moms, go on about how forgetful they've become, like their brain cells are all going straight to the baby, and I have to wonder: if I feel like that now — like I've sort of lost part of my mind — just from planning a wedding, how on earth will I function when I get knocked up? With one month and one day to go, I've never felt more scattered or distracted. Even with my mega to-do list, I keep wondering what I've forgotten to write down, what I've neglected to think about. Moving across the country didn't require so much attention to detail.

And so, because I'm incapable of writing a thoughtful, coherent post on one topic, here's a list of random things just as scattered as my head:

1. As the wedding gets closer, the my mom's emails are getting crazier and more frequent. She's already warned me to double-check and triple-check that I don't need a slip for my wedding dress since people will be looking at me IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT. "And what about a special bra?" she's asked several times, "And what are you doing for shoes? A veil? Your purse?" Now that she's figured out what she's wearing and has micro-managed every detail of my 26 year-old sister's outfit, she's able to focus more clearly on my wedding ensemble, LUCKY ME. I've been warned to have my dress professionally pressed NOW so in case anything happens to it in the process, I'll have time to replace it, because, clearly, having a dress ironed a month before it's going to be worn makes a lot of sense.

Yesterday I got an email that went on and on about how, if I don't have a spare pair of contact lenses, I really better order one. "It is a very nerve-wracking time for you now," she wrote, explaining that I never know how my nerves could attribute to me dropping a lens and then I might have to wear glasses to my wedding — or! on my honeymoon-- or! "suffer the alternate of not being able to see anything IF I lost a lens and decided to forgo the glasses."

2. Drew and I got our marriage license Friday afternoon at the City Clerk's office, which is now my favorite place in all of New York City. Honestly, if you've never been, I totally recommend spending an hour or so checking it out. You don't have to be getting married or anything. Just show up, find a seat, and watch the action. Bring popcorn! We were there for maybe 45 minutes and saw 3 weddings. One chick getting married was so freaked out, she kept laughing nervously and making these loud, sort of awkward, inappropriate comments, like: "Oh, ha, ha, my days of boozing it up and going home with random strangers is over now, ha, ha!" And, as she made her way to the little chapel to make it official, she did this kind of a nazi march, kicking her legs up in her long ivory dress and said: "Ha, ha, dead woman walking! Ha, ha, ha!" Meanwhile, her groom looked totally relaxed and chilled out. I bet he took something before hand.

It was really fun to watch all the different couples and see how well-matched everyone was. There was this one aging hipster couple — well, aging, as in, you know, MY age — and the woman was in these horrible, awful 80's glasses that magnified her eyes, like, 10 times their normal size, and she wore her hair in two, long, greasy pigtails, and carried a canvas tote bag and wore super-skinny jeans and ballet flats and walked in small, pigeon-toed steps, which I'm sure was an affected thing, with her thin, gangly arm looped through her fiance's. He wasn't nearly as memorable as she was, but his floppy hair definitely matched hers in terms of greasiness, and he wore ironic glasses, too, and I couldn't help but wonder if either of their moms were sending them emails suggesting they order contact lenses NOW, and warning them to wear appropriate undergarments on their wedding day.

3. After seeing some very unflattering photos of me taken at my bachelorette party last weekend, I've decided to kick up the exercise and make some radical changes in my diet. For example, no more booze!! Well, not no-more, no-more, but close to no more. Like, I'll drink a glass of wine now and then, but the beer, margaritas, and nights of 4 or 6 drinks are OVER (at least until the honeymoon — you can't go to Spain and not enjoy pitchers of Sangria, come on). Also, I've started doing yoga again. Well, I've done it twice — Sunday (at the annual Summer Solstice Yoga in Times Square) and yesterday, but I can already feel a difference, both physically and mentally. And I found a studio 3 blocks from my apartment that I really like, so I think I'm going to make yoga a habit — something to help me get in shape quickly for the wedding, yes, but I plan to continue it well after that. Now that i'm giving up margaritas, I'll need something to help me deal with my mother's emails, after all.