City Wendy

T-Minus 10 Weeks

In just under 10 weeks, I am marrying this man. I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Good? Good. Now, in case you're interested in keeping track, this is what we've managed to cross off our wedding to-do list thus far:

Choose Date

Choose Venue

Choose reception place

Partially lose mind

Make guest list

Purchase invitations (got these, except, of course, with our names)

Hire photographer 

Register for gifts

Drink copious amounts of alcohol

Buy a new tux jacket

Choose a honeymoon location

Hire a cantor to sing

Wonder if maybe we should just elope

Hire rabbi to officiate

Send invitations

Book honeymoon flights

Start getting kind of excited

Re-send invitations that have been returned due to insufficient postage because the envelope is square and the Post Office doesn't like square envelopes

Lose rest of mind

Rent a bus to transport wedding guests from Central Park to the reception

Choose musicians for the ceremony: almost done!

Choose a wedding dress: getting close!

Think about everything else that still needs to be done

Cry a little

Drink some more

25 Things I'd Rather Do Than Write 25 Random Things About Me

I've been tagged about 210 times on Facebook to write a list of random things about me. First, it was 16 random things everyone was writing and I didn't even want to do that. Now 16 things aren't enough, people want to share 25 things about themselves — things like what their favorite candy is, what they ate for dinner last night and that their mother used to beat them with a wooden spoon when they were young. I don't care to know this much about other people I don't see and talk to on a regular basis and I surely don't care for others to know that much about me...at least, not in such an easily digestable list like that. If people wants to know a lot about me, they should suffer through archives of this blog or take me out for a couple of drinks first.

And so, just to illustrate my distaste for the whole thing, here are 25 completely random things I'd rather do than write 25 random things about me:

1. Push my cuticles back on both my fingers and my toes
2. Drink cold hot chocolate with no marshmallows
3. Sit through a community theater production of "South Pacific"
4. Watch an episode of the Today Show's Hota Kotb and Kathie Lee
5. Get measured for a bra
6. Get my teeth cleaned
7. Fold laundry
8. Eat a bowl of steamed brussel sprouts
9. Go out in public with my shirt on backwards
10. Watch all interviews of Sarah Palin on Youtube
11. Take my shoes off at the airport
12. Misplace my keys
13. Have awkward small talk in an elevator with a coworker I don't really like
14. Go to a mall
15. Eat soggy Cheerios
16. Write a pile of thank you notes
17. Apologize for something I really didn't do wrong just to "keep the peace"
18. Shovel snow off a driveway
19. Empty the litterbox
20. Do my taxes
21. Run into an old boyfriend on a bad hair day
22. Get weighed in a sports bra and spandex shorts on national television
23. Actually, maybe not that last one
24. Not in a sports bra, anyway
25. Eat a piece of toast with no butter

Things I Have Found While Cleaning Out My Old Bedroom At My Parents' House

Since I've got a bit of time on my hands here at my parents' house this week, I decided to clean out my old bedroom, a task I've been putting off for the last 13 years or so. Among the many awesome relics of my childhood and adolescence I discovered in my dresser drawers, under the bed, and in my old desk were:

• pay stubs from my high school job at Baskin-Robbins
• three empty wallets
• two scrunchies, two banana clips, and four hair bows
• a photo of my 9th grade boyfriend who looked alarmingly like Bart Simpson
• my SAT scores
• a poem I wrote in 3rd grade that included the word "sun" 11 times
• a poem I wrote in 11th grade that included the word "soul" 9 times
• an empty pack of Marlboros hidden in a shoebox
• a cassette tape of the Beaches soundtrack
• a cassette tape of U2's Rattle and Hum
• a copy of the Book of Mormon, no doubt given to me by one of my dozens of old Brigham Young-bound high school classmates in hopes of converting me...or at least saving my soul from the evils of coffee and card games
• a neon pink bathing suit
• one of my old pre-breast reduction surgery bras, size 36 DDD
• a pair of Keds
• 13 VC Andrews books
• a half-finished needlepoint of a hummingbird
• a half-finished friendship bracelet
• a rejection note and returned essay from Seventeen magazine
• the journal I had to write in 12th grade English class in which I counted the days until I'd "be outta this shit-hole"
• 5 unopened packs of pantyhose

Favorite Songs of the Year

I don't really know shit about music and so I've got no business declaring what the best songs of the year are, but I do know what I like and what songs I torment my neighbors with by playing on repeat for hours on end, and these are the top ten of the year:

1. "You Can Have Whatever You Like" T.I.
2. "White Winter Hymnal" Fleet Foxes
3. "Bruises" Chairlift
4. "M79" Vampire Weekend
5. "Little Rock Star" Lucinda Williams (it's thought that Amy Winehouse is the inspiration)
6. "You Really Gotta Hold On Me" (cover) She&Him
7. "LES Artistes" Santogold
8. "So What?" Pink
9. "Change is Hard" She&Him
10. "Viva La Vida" Coldplay

A few of those are sort of guilty pleasures, but whatever, they're good fucking songs. So what are your favorites of the year?

Making My Resolutions Early

I'm getting a head start on my New Year's resolutions because 2009 is only three weeks away and it'll be here before you know it. I fly to Germany next Saturday to spend Christmas with my family and by the time I get back home and get mildly adjusted to the time change, it'll be New Year's Eve and if I don't have my resolutions by then, it'll just be too late. I'll drink too much that night, and then waste the entire first day of 2009 being hungover and will talk myself out of any good intentions I may have had for the new year, which, let's face it, weren't all that great to begin with if I couldn't even bother to get a list of resolutions together. So! In order to avoid another year in which I feel like a failure, I'm creating resolutions early so that I can live another year in which I feel like a failure AND feel guilty about it.

Resolution #1: Make a living will
I don't have anything to leave anyone except a pile of debt, but I still like the idea of assigning just which loved one will have to deal with all my worthless boxes of crap should anything happen to me.

Resolution #2: Let me hair grow out
If you've been reading this blog for a while then you know I had to cut all my hair off after an unfortunate mullet and that was over two years ago (2 years, 3 months and 4 days to be exact, but wh's counting) and my hair is STILL short. Part of this may have to do with the lack of calcium in my diet or vitamin deficiency or the fact that my hair and the universe HATES me and part of it has to do with me getting my hair trimmed every 6 weeks. As of now, it's been nearly two months since my last trim and I am resisting the urge to schedule an appointment. In fact, I'm going to see just how long I can go without letting scissors anywhere near my hair. My guess I make it to the end of February before I have a total breakdown and get, like, all of it cut off again.

Resolution #3: Quit eating so much Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream Ice Cream
This one is going to be the hardest and if I can even get my splurges down to, like, twice a week, I'll consider myself a success. A success! Do you hear that?! All I have to to is eat Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream ice cream twice a week and I will be a success in 2009!

The bar has been set, people. Wish me luck.

15 Most Unfortunately Named Fashion Items

Why is it that the fashion industry, which supposedly celebrates all things wearably beautiful, gives its items such ugly and unfortunate names? Just look at these top 15 offenders:

1. Muff
A fashionable winter accessory that’s back in vogue, a muff is essentially an (often) fur-lined, warm hole. This is one item that seems aptly named, if unfortunately so.

2. Shrug
Not only is its name unfortunate, but as a piece of clothing that covers the boobs and highlights the midsection, the shrug itself seems a bit misguided. This is definitely a name and a trend we’re happy to pack away for a while.

3. Clam Diggers
Not a name we hear too much anymore, Clam Diggers are three-quarters pants that are longer than shorts but not quite ankle-length. Hitting around mid-calf, Clam Diggers now go by the decidedly less awkward name, “Capri pants.”

4. Panties
Maybe the most unfortunate name on the list, panties is a word that at least half the population (male and female, alike) has a hard time even uttering. Sadly, “underwear” isn’t much better, and “knickers,” the British version, isn’t exactly an upgrade either. Isn’t it time to create an alternate name?

5. Girdle
Sounding more like the name of a death rattle than an undergarment meant to smooth and flatter a woman’s (or man’s!) body, the girdle is poised to make a comeback. With a name like that, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if its reincarnation is short-lived.

Continue reading the list of 15 most unfortunately named fashion items here.

Daytime TV Shows I Watch While Working From Home

Daytime TV Shows I Watch With the Sound On:

• How Not To Dress
• Oprah

Daytime TV Shows I Watch  on Mute (but will turn the sound on if Brad Pitt is a guest or if it looks like there's a girl fight or something else interesting is going on):

• Today Show
• The View
• sometimes Ellen

The rest of the time I listen to NPR or, lately, She & Him.

(I probably need to get out more).

8 Most Inappropriate Comments to Make at Thanksgiving

1. To the republicans: "HA-HA!"

2. To the newlyweds: "Are you guys still having a lot of sex?"

3. To the recovering alcoholic: "This wine goes perfectly with this Gin & Tonic."

4. To the new divorcee: "You must be lonely this time of year."

5. To the Great-grandparent: "I guess the thing you're most thankful for is to still be alive."

6. To the host: "I forgot to tell you: I'm allergic to salt."

7. To the gay cousin and his longtime live-in boyfriend: "So, when are you two lovebirds gonna make it legal?"

8. To the recently laid-off: "McDonalds is hiring."

25 Things to Do With Your Extra Hour This Weekend

Sad news, everyone: this is the weekend we “fall back” as Daylight Saving Time ends and months of dreary cold and sunless days begin. Of course, the perky glass-half-full types are always quick to point out how we gain an extra hour when DST ends, like that somehow makes up for the endless evenings of walking home in the dark while shivering in our multiple winter layers. But you know what? I say let’s make the most of that measly hour! Let’s put our hearts and souls into that extra time we gain and really appreciate the hell out of it and maybe, just maybe, we’ll be rewarded with a winter that sucks just a little less normal. Not sure what to do with your extra hour?  Well, continue reading here for 25 suggestions…

On My Own Again

Drew leaves for China on Tuesday and though I will join him there next month, we'll still be apart for 4 1/2 weeks before I get there. This quickly-approaching separation is making me all sorts of sad and anxious — partly because I'll have to actually empty the garbage now  — and wondering how we ever got through a year and a half of 1500 miles between us. I still haven't made that many of my own friends here yet and if I could, I'd buy a ticket to Chicago and spend the 4 weeks there — well, at least two weeks—  where my BFFs, Lake Michigan, and my favorite bars all are. Secretly, though, I know this time here alone will be really great for me for many reasons, and so, instead of being all weepy and sad that Drew's flying to the other side of the world and leaving me all alone for a month, I'm focusing on the positives, like:

• I won't have to watch baseball on TV even once if i don't feel like it!!
• No boyfriend, no beach, no need to shave above my knees!
• BED ALL TO MYSELF
• Won't have to clean up anyone else's toothpaste in the sink
• God, I hate that
• Can have girls night at my place without stray boy hanging about
• Who wants to come over?
• Seriously, I'll have wine, beer...maybe margaritas
• And no stray boy hanging about!
• What the hell, maybe I'll even have pie
• No random shoes and dirty socks lying around
• More time to read, write, maybe take a meditation class
• No junk mail and clutter piling up on the desk
• Can watch Swingtown without feeling like an asshole
• Well, okay, I'll still feel like an asshole, but at least no one will be watching me feel like an asshole!
• No wrappers or napkins or bottle caps in the sink
• Seriously, what's up with that? THE SINK IS NOT THE GARBAGE CAN!
• No more little stubbles from the razor all over the bathroom

...Damn! I'm gonna miss that boy.