City Wendy

The Big Apple Bites Back

This week marks five years since I first visited New York City and today marks two years since I moved here. Last night at a bar celebrating a friend's birthday someone said, "There's a big difference between your first year and second year anniversary here, isn't there?" And I said, "Yeah." And then Drew asked me, "how?", and the only thing I could think is that, well, a year ago I wasn't even engaged and this year I'm married. And, of course, there's a lot more to it than that, but that kind of sums it up perfectly. If you want to feel settled in New York, there's nothing quite like marrying a native and agreeing to raise a family here.

But not in Midtown Manhattan! The sooner we get out of here, the better. As if the endless noise, traffic and crowds weren't enough to deal with, our neighbors threw a loud party Saturday night for the gazillionth time keeping us old marrieds awake til way past our 1 AM weekend bedtime, after which we were greeted by a big pile of barf in our hallway the next morning. Then! Later that day our downstairs neighbor somehow managed to break her key in the front door to the building, locking all of of us out for the rest of the day until it could be fixed. Then! Monday morning I guess someone thought it would be funny or something to hang a pair of black thong panties on the staircase banister like this is a fucking frat house. Also! Another set of neighbors whose windows face ours have two-week twin babies who, you know, cry a lot! Plus, in an economy where landlords are lowering rents all over the city, our landlord recently raised ours by a hundred bucks because, I guess, he figured we weren't paying enough for all these good times. And don't even get me started on the mouse our cat-sitter saw while we were in Spain.

Drew and I are meeting with a real estate agent next week.

My Honeymoon In Photos

Our first stop was Portugal where I got some new sunglasses and we had a little fun getting lost in translation.

In Lisbon we saw lots and lots of really cheesy graffiti everywhere. And that's pretty much all I care to say about Lisbon.

Our next stop was Seville, Spain, where we stayed in a 600-year-old palace that had beautiful courtyards all over the grounds. There was also a parlor area where a guy played piano every evening and guests gathered to listen and drink sangria and read biographies about Gandhi. The roof boasted a fabulous sun deck and pool, around which the all the European men lounged in Speedos.

We loved Seville for its charming little streets and outdoor bars and cafes that filled with diners and drinkers all day (especially during happy hour).

We ate a lot of tapas in Seville, and drank tons of tinto de verano (wine with lemon — so good!).

I owned this town.

In Seville we saw bullfighting, which was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. I didn't know anything about bullfighting before seeing it and I call this photo — taken before I witnessed three bulls violently killed and then dragged around the ring by their feet — "The Calm Before the Storm."

If bullfighting was one of the worst things I've ever seen, flamenco was one of the best. We went to this theater, which was really a little courtyard, twice during our stay in Seville. The kind of passion the performers possessed was amazing — unlike anything I've experienced before (and that's counting any time I've watched Drew in a hotdog eating contest). And now I'm inspired to take flamenco dance lessons!

After Seville, we flew to Barcelona where we ate a shitload of ice cream.

And we saw a lot of Gaudi architecture, like at this park he designed (and lived in for several years).

Proof that Drew was on the honeymoon, too, and that sometimes I even took off my sunglasses!

By the end of the trip I was so relaxed, I quit brushing my hair.

The end.

Puppies, As Promised

puppies from Andrew Condell on Vimeo.

The other day, before the excitement of seeing Barack Obama, I was out with my Flip taking a little video of the puppies in my neighborhood so I could share my version of anti-depressants with all of you. As I mentioned, there's this puppy store down the street that keeps these unbearably adorable puppies in the window all afternoon and although I know I shouldn't condone a place that supports puppy mills, I can't help be drawn to the window every time I past. The cuteness is just too much! In fact, some days I look for a reason to go by the store just so I can peak in and take in those bouncing bundles of fur for a minute or two. They never cease to amuse and make me smile. Plus, I rarely see the same puppies two times in a row — they're so cute, you see, they're snatched up right away by passer-bys (for some obscene amount of money, I'm sure) and immediately replaced with a new puppy — a different breed, usually — who is equally, if not more, adorable. It's an undying cycle of adorableness is what it is and I don't know what I'll do when I no longer live close enough to watch it every day.

Anyhow, I'd be selfish to keep this to myself any longer, so, internet, here you go: puppies! Don't say I never gave you anything.

The Day President Obama Waved At Me

Obama On 52nd Street! from Andrew Condell on Vimeo.

Before I tell you about the rest of the honeymoon and how we had this amazing meal at this Soup Nazi place I'll fantasize about for years to come, I wanted to post a video of these super fucking adorable puppies in my neighborhood that I didn't realize how much I love until I was away from them for two whole weeks. There's this puppy store a couple blocks down the street — one of those horrible places that sells pure-bred puppies for a fortune that I know I shouldn't support or anything —and I don't — but every time I walk past and I see those cute, cute puppies in the window, I can't help but melt all over the street in a sloppy goo-fest of estrogen or whatever it is that makes me so crazy for puppies.

So I decided why keep the goods all to myself? This kind of joy must be shared with the internet, so I took my little flip mino down the street to record the little bouncy bundles of fur and when I finished up, I ran over to my bank to withdraw some cash so I could buy broccoli at the farmer's market to cook with dinner. On my way out of the bank, I noticed lots of cops and a few barricades and stuff and I figured someone big was playing the Roseland tonight, like maybe Jay-Z or something. I totally didn't even THINK about the PRESIDENT and how he's doing Letterman tonight and how I live two blocks from the Ed Sullivan theater, DUH. But thank God I married Drew and he's a smart man and he remembered and he texted me from outside the theater on his way home from work to alert me the prez was on his way out shortly. So, with video camera already in hand, I ran over to join him, and you guys, this was totally way more exciting than that time we walked past that movie theater on the Upper West Side when the Rolling Stones and Martin Scorcese were walking out! So much more exciting!

We totally saw the president! Like, we were five feet from him as he drove past and he totally looked RIGHT AT US and smiled and waved AT US, PERSONALLY, I AM SURE OF IT. And I totally have it on video. Okay, so it's blurry and he's only in the frame for about half a second (while it was happening, it was all slow-mo and seemed to last minutes), but it's him and you can totally tell. And maybe you can't exactly make out his smile directly at us, but surely you can feel it. And if you can't? If you can't feel that he was wrapping us in a warm and nurturing Presidential embrace from the safety of his bullet-proof car zooming by at 40 MPH? Well, tomorrow I'll just have to post a video of some adorable puppies and maybe that will warm your cold, cold heart.

The Rain in Spain Stays Mainly in the Plain

Today marks the halfway point of our honeymoon, but like I told Drew earlier, the best is yet to come. On Monday we head for Barcelona, but that's all the way on the other side of the weekend. For now, we still have Sevilla. Sevilla! Everything I'd heard about it is all true. The streets are all winding and narrow and cobblestone and we're staying in an area where no cars are allowed and oranges grow on the trees.

Last night we sat in this little courtyard with ivy growing all over and we watched Flamenco and it was like seeing the history of love played out in claps and stomps and swooshes of the hip. I decided right then and there I'm going to take Flamenco lessons when I get back to New York and maybe one day when I'm good enough, I'll come back and I'll go professional and I'll spend my days fanning myself amd drinking Sangria under orange trees until it's time to put on my long, fancy skirt and dancing shoes for the evening's performance.

We're staying in a genuine palace here in Sevilla with little nooks and sitting spots tucked away in all sorts of surprise corners that sneak up when you're simply looking for a door out to the street. There's a piano bar in the palace filled with antique sofas and oriental rugs, and from 7-11 every evening this guy plays piano and people sit and drink wine and talk about their days exploring. If we were sitting there right now, we might talk about walking down to the river and how I trusted my instict to get us there, but Drew cheated and used his iPhone.

We followed the river until we got to the bull fighting ring and from there we walked back towards the old part of the city, passing at least 15 cathedrals and such. We stopped for a minute to take photos and a woman rushed over to me and pressed rosemary into my palm and did a sign of the cross over my forehead and started telling me my fortune in Spanish. "No thank you," I said to her, turning away, "No thank you." But she was relentless and insisted on reading my palm. Good news, everyone! I'm going to live a long, long life, have a very wonderful marriage, enjoy good fortune, and have two beautiful bambinos. That will be five euros, please.

Thankfully, the honeymoon has taken a turn for the better here in Sevilla after four very disappointing days in Lisbon. It was a bad sign as soon as we landed there Saturday morning and had to spend two and a half hours in line for immigration. Two and half hours!! This, after a 12-hour commute from our apartment. "Is it usually like this?" I asked the immigration officer when we finally made it to his counter. "You're lucky," he replied, "usually the line is four hours." We should have run then, should have immediately booked a flight to Spain on the spot, but what can I say? We were naive still and full of hope, certain we shouldn't judge an entire city on one bad experience at the airport. Someday, when there's enough distance between me and my days in Lisbon, I will tell you a little about our stay there. For now, I'm going retire to the piano bar for a some Sangria before dinner and a song or two with my husband. Adios, amigos.

Over The Moon

On Friday we leave for our honeymoon, which is something that is so exciting for me to say, I'm going to have to say it twice: ON FRIDAY WE LEAVE FOR OUR HONEYMOON. First stop: Lisbon, Portugal (pictured above) where we will drink lots of wine and eat fish. We did a special deal with our hotel where we paid a discounted price with a company that owns, like, seven luxury boutique hotels, and they give us a room in whatever is available when we get there. So, we still don't know where we're going to stay, but they're all luxury hotels so we really can't go wrong. Plus, I sort of like the element of surprise, you know?

I made sure to tell the company that we're going to be on our honeymoon, so if they could give us the most romantic room available, that would be much appreciated. I gave that line to all the hotels we'll be staying in on this trip, actually, and one place in Barcelona wrote back and said, "We understand you will be on your 'honeymoon' so we will give you most 'romantic' room" just like that with "honeymoon" and "romantic" in quotation marks. It was probably a translation thing, but part of me felt a little defensive about the quotation marks, like, come on, I only get to be on a honeymoon once! Give me romance! Give me a break!

I could have said, "It's going to me my birthday, so please give me your best room" — that would have been true, too. I'll turn 33 on Tuesday in Lisbon. Drew said maybe we can take a day trip to some vineyards and drink wine in the sun all day. I told him that sounded pretty good, but what I really want on my birthday is chocolate cake. He asked if there was anything else I wanted and I said, "Just the chocolate cake." Come on, I'm already gonna be on my honeymoon! In Lisbon! Preferably in the most romantic room available! A girl shouldn't get too greedy. So just chocolate cake will be fine. Well, okay, and maybe some really cute shoes on sale. Please.

After Lisbon, we're flying to Seville, Spain, which is the spot everyone uses the same word to describe: romantic. Maybe it's the winding cobblestone streets, I don't know, but I'm excited to find out. In Seville I will drink Sangria and eat Tapas. I will also eat Churros Con Chocolate, which my friend Carrie who lived there for six months insists I try as often as possible. Also, we will watch flamenco in a little courtyard with ivy growing up the walls and candles all over. We're bringing our new Flip Mino, so I'll post video postcards!

From Seville, we go to Barcelona. Barcelona! I have been wanting to go there every since I watched the summer Olympics on TV however many years ago they were there. And then Drew and I watched "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" last fall and it renewed my desire to go and now I'm going to be there in less than two weeks, oh my god, I can't wait. In Barcelona, I will eat more tapas and drink Cava and eat fresh fruit from the open air market in the middle of town. We will stay awake until 4 in the morning wandering the city and sleep until noon and take naps after our hours-long lunch in the middle of the afternoon.

To say I am excited about all this is an understatement. I've never felt more ready for — or more in need of — a vacation ever. We've been going, going, going for the last six months, so above all, it will be so nice to relax, unwind, and enjoy so good QT with my new husband. I just hope we can track down some chocolate cake.