Let This Be A Lesson To You

Patience has never been a virtue I've come close to embracing. Long waits for the subway, traffic, people who insist on stowing their carry-on bags on the plane before letting me pass by are all enough to make me reconsider the benefits of ever leaving my house. I'll be the first to skip into a men's bathroom if the line for the ladies room is even one person longer, and if I have to wait more than a minute or two for my check after I've finished a meal, my heavy sighs are audible five states over. Add my increasing stress levels in these final days before the wedding, and leaving the apartment is pretty much a recipe for disaster.

Take Tuesday, for example. Among the errands I had to run on Tuesday was exchaging a dress at Zara. I'd bought the dress the day before when I happened to notice a big "50% off" sign in the store window as I passed by on 5th Avenue. I haven't had time to do much shopping this summer and was in the market for some new sundresses, so I went inside to look around. I spotted a dress I liked that was marked down to an incredible 20 bucks, so I grabbed a size 'large' and after spotting more than 2 people in line for the dressing room, I shrugged my shoulders and headed straight to check-out. My reasoning, of course, was that I could always exchange the dress if I discovered at home it didn't fit, which in my unreasonable mind seemed like less work than actually waiting in line for 90 seconds to try it on first. Well I bought the dress, got it home, tried it on and sure enough, it was way too big. So I found myself at Zara again on Tuesday afternoon to exchange it.

This time the lines were even longer than they were the day before. Word must have spread about the big sale and loads of cute dresses for 20 bucks. The check-out line reached all the way to the front door! I made my way upstairs, found my dress in a smaller size and waited in line to try it on. In the dressing room, I was struck by genius. What if I made my exchange in there? Who would know? Who would care? I'd already paid for the dress. Why did I have to wait in line AGAIN to do what could easily be done in the privacy of my dressing room? I have things to do, people — I'm a busy person, I don't have time for lines! So I took the dress I'd bought the day before and slid it on the hanger to put back on the floor and folded the smaller sized dress into my bag to take home. No big deal! Done and done! Long line averted, I'm brilliant!!!

So, I'm making my way out the door of the store feeling pretty smug and everything when the sirens suddenly go off. Oh shit, I thought. I guess there's like a magnetic strip on the tag or something? I don't know — it's not like I'm a shop-lifter — I don't know how these things work. Fuck, I said under my breath. Okay, stay cool, stay cool. So, I stayed cool, and I kept right on walking as non-chalantly as I could, right across the street and down the block, the doorman at Zara yelling after me the whole time. "Miss!" he yelled, "Miss!" I sped-up a little and when I was pretty sure I was no longer in view of anyone at Zara, I just started booking down the street, finally making it home safely with my dress — the dress I DID pay for, so it was rightfully mine and definitely not stolen.

Yesterday morning, as I was getting dressed for the day, I made a terrible discovery. My new dress was still tagged with one of those plastic things on the side. Why hadn't I noticed it in the dressing room?? How was I going to get it off? I couldn't very well take it back to the store now! I then spent at least 15 minutes trying to pull the damn thing off with no success. Finally, I had to break out a pair scissors and cut it off, which, of course, created a hole in my new dress which I then had to carefully stitch up, after spending several minutes locating a needle and appropriately-colored thread. The whole process — returning the dress, running from the doorman, trying to pry off the plastic thing, and then fixing the hole, all took about an hour and a half. Next time, I think I'll just wait the 90 seconds for a dressing room instead.

Comments

[brookem]

ohgod, im the same way! i have no patience for that trivial type stuff. i would have done the same exact thing.
and ive been there, with the damn alarmy thingy on the dress. i too, cut it off, got a hole, but i wasn't savvy enough to sew er' up, so i haven't worn the dress yet!
i hope it's wicked cute and was worth the hassle!

[bk]

wow....never worked retail eh?

[Alyce]

Wow

you know that your pic is now posted in the breakroom, right?

[Sue]

OMG!!!! That is hilarious. I thought those things only happened to me!

[Anon]

You've screwed up inventory counts. Nice.

[teahouseblossom]

ROFL. This is too funny! At least you're good with a needle and thread. I probably would have gone back to the store, my tail between my legs, a big hole in my dress.