No Penis Products Here

I had such a great time in Chicago that I came *this* close to extending my trip a few days, but the I remembered that, holy shit, my wedding is in 5 and a half weeks, and I started thinking about my to-do list and had such terrible anxiety dreams, I decided I better get back to town and get down to bizniss. Seriously, I had one dream that I lost my engagement ring and went crazy looking for it and when I finally found it, it was shattered in a million pieces, which, obviously, is a metaphor for my MIND because nothing makes you more insane and scatter-brained than worrying about wedding details, except maybe being pregnant, but I wouldn't know about that. Yet. And then I had a dream that my hair started falling out in clumps and it was so vivd and realistic, I woke up and searched my pillow for signs of stray hair.

Oh, but being in Chicago was so relaxing and pleasant and made me feel homesick all over again. On Saturday afternoon I drank too much tequila at the Andersonville street fest and ended up doing that ugly drunked snot-cry with a friend of mine right there in the middle of everyone. "I just miss you SO MUCH!" I sniffed, throwing my arms around her. "GOD! You don't even KNOW. SO MUCH!!" And she was crying, too and wiping my face with the back of her hands and it was all pretty ridiculous. Another friend said he saw us walking through the park later that afternoon and we were a rambling, wobbling mess. I guess it wasn't any surprise I woke up with a killer hangover the next morning.

My hangover was so bad, in fact, that after I met a friend for breakfast I apologized and said I didn't think I could make it to the beach like we'd planned because I needed to go sleep for an hour or two before I could even think about carrying on with life.
"But..." she said, wrinkling her forehead and narrowing her eyes, "but..."
"Are you mad?" I said, "I'm really sorry, but I feel like shit. I drank too much last night -- I really need to go lie down for a little bit or I might DIE. Really."
"But you have to go to the beach!" she said.

Suddenly she whipped out her phone and started texting away, telling me she was giving her roommate a message she forgot to tell her earlier. Then I got a text from another friend who said he was at the beach with his dogs and I should stop by, so I turned to Katy and said, "Fine, I'll go to the damn beach if it's such a big damn deal for everyone, but I'm not staying long!" And of course, you know where this is going. I got to the lakefront at Foster and a bunch of my friends were gathered under a canopy for a surprise bachelorette party for me. There were cupcakes and gourmet sandwiches and pasta salad and plenty of champagne and vodka lemonade, and after a litlte hair of the dog, I was good as new. Better than new! I was so happy and touched by the whole thing and loved every minute of the afternoon. It was the perfect bachelorette party — my best friends at my favorite place with perfect weather and no dorky penis products. I felt completely loved and supported and it was what anyone would want before she gets married.

Ironically, an article I wrote on the "death of single-girl friendships" made the homepage of CNN the next day and the comments were fucking outrageous. The essay was about the difficulty of moving away from my friends and about transitioning into a new chapter of my life, one that doesn't leave as much time to invest in friendships like I was able to when living the single life in Chicago. People went insane -- calling me horrible and immature and the "epitome of everything wrong with women today." One person called me a "succubus," someone else called me the scum of the earth. Dozens, if not hundreds of people, weighed in on the likelihood of my marriage disintegrating within two years and how I'd "deserve it" when it happened because I have such little respect for anyone but myself. One person even said she wished my husband would die and I'd be all alone because I'd dumped all my friends as soon as I found Mr. Right. And, wow, there sure are a lot of angry, bitter people out there...and apparently they all hang out on CNN.com all day. Anyway, I'm glad the people I love know how I feel about them. And now, thanks to a little tequila and a beautiful afternoon, everyone at the Andersonville street fest knows, too.

Comments

[ChicagoJen]

Other than perhaps your blog, I have mostly given up reading comments. For one thing, half the time people don’t appear to even READ the articles they are commenting on and then there’s apparently an entire loser population that does nothing BUT comment about stuff and start fights.

That sucks because I read your essay and thought it was very heartfelt and whoever these self-appointed personal-opinion-attackers are, they obviously don’t have deep friendships with women.

As for Chicago—I am go glad you got such a beautiful Sunday! And that sounds like the perfect bachelorette party too! And no regrets on not extending things because the weather pretty much went to hell in a handbasket Monday night…

[Elizabeth]

Hi Wendy,

I read your article up on CNN and thought it was beautifully done! Speaking as a woman whose best girlfriends are scattered about the country--it IS hard to keep up with them made doubley so when you have a really good man in your life. It's really a shame that people suck so bad, but what can you do? :)

[Holly]

When I read your article I could just feel that you were going to get those types of comments and honestly, I wanted to say -- really? REALLY?
I mean, in my experience most women go through this. And I really appreciated your articulation of that struggle between maintaining good girlfriends as you get older and find your life partner.
Why is it that people think it is so awful to put your relationship first over your friendships, but if you were to say that your "family" was a priority over your friendships everyone seems to understand and sympathize with the struggle.

I just say good for you Wendy, for being aware that it is something to balance and kudos to you for making an effort. I have been reading your blog for a while now and I sincerely hope you and your fiance have a lovely life together.

[Emily]

I am so glad you had a nice time with your friends, I know you miss them a lot. And the surprise shower is great, you deserve it!

The people who commented on your article are nuts. Some people are just out to flame others FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

You rock. XOXO.

[citywendy]

Aw, thanks, you guys. I should know better than to read the comments on CNN, but a friend asked if I'd seen what people were writing and curiosity got the best of me. I got some really sweet emails (and not so sweet ones), though, so that was nice or whatever.

And Jen, I stayed in Chicago til last night, so I didn't miss the bad weather completely. I'm just glad Sunday was so beautiful!!

[Sue]

I think it is great that you had something published that evoked so much emotion in people they bothered to write!!! Way to go!!!!!

[(a different) Emily]

Yeah, those comments are BS. You know who's writing them? Horrible girls who have exactly the awful cliched bachelorette parties you avoided. Then they get married and have nine bridesmaids because OMG how could I CHOOSE, we are like so totally BFF and we will be FOREVER and then a year later, someone else gets married and someone doesn't get to be a bridesmaid and everyone gets in a fight and nobody speaks any more and everyone can't BELIEVE they were even FRIENDS with those bitches. And then they start the whole cycle over again with new friends. I went to high school with a lot of these people. They suck. You don't. Good article.

[Kim]

I have read CNN article comments and people just love to stir up trouble and controversy. I wouldn't put any faith in the articles or emails -- Delete them as soon as there is a negative comment.

I enjoyed reading that article and I could not agree with you more about the special single friendships and missing them just a little even when you prefer spending your free time with your fiance.

[Allison Blass]

I thought you wrote your article well, but I haven't had the same experience. That's where most people get angry. When someone writes something that is supposed to apply to a lot of people but then they're like, "Well that's not me!"

I don't think being single makes it easier to meet people. In fact, sometimes I think it's harder. And sometimes I think if I was a mom meeting people would be easier because there are so many mommy groups around. I'm sure that's not true, but sometimes that's what I think. I think having friends is difficult at any age. I hardly had any friends during my single years. Being single didn't make it any easier, and being in a relationship hasn't ruined it either (sometimes I have to work to make it more of a priority).

I think it just depends on the person.

[Alison]

I thought your article on CNN.com was spot on. Such a great surprise to find something so completely relevant to my twenty-something life.

I am the singleton in my friend group these days, and I don't begrudge any of my newly engaged or married friends for spending less time with me. They maintain their loyalty and support for me and are occasionally wistful about the freedom afforded by my (still)solitary status.

This weekend I flew out to the west coast to meet up with a long lost guy pal from high school. On the plane, I sat next to a woman who was exactly my age (27), but had two young children with her and one on the way. We had a great chat about how totally divergent and equally awesome our lives are. She has a husband and children and a house... I have a rented apartment and a Masters degree. However, I left the plane impressed at how much we have in COMMON. We'll make our transitions in life at very different times, but our concerns are the same. We are both adamant about being happy and fulfilled and remain true to ourselves in finding whatever it is that achieves the goal.

In other news, the CNN.com article led me to your blog and your mullet disaster. I had a similar incident last summer but it involved a bad dye job where my hair was FROSTED against my will ala Dionne Warwick. It was just as emotionally disturbing. Glad to hear you've recovered.