T Minus 4 Months

Hi, I'm going to talk about my wedding now, so consider yourself warned. It all goes down 4 months from today. According to various checklists I've read, by now I should have a venue selected for the reception, finalized a guest list, selected the wedding party, started looking at dresses, chosen an officiant, booked the honeymoon flights, considered music, started registering for gifts, thought about how to wear my hair, locked down photography, figured out flowers, confirmed cake plans, and worked on invitation wording and design. You know how many of those things I've accomplished? NONE! Not one goddamn thing on that list. That's right -- I still haven't even finalized a guest list, although I've had one person already send her regrets that she won't be able to make it — someone who was no way in hell going to be invited to my wedding, so that was a little weird.

I guess I should feel some pressure at this point, but I'm oddly okay with having nothing figured out yet. Well, maybe not "okay" exactly. Actually, it'd be nice to at least know where we're having the lunch reception so I could figure out how many people we can afford to invite and, you know, let people know. But the place I have in mind is still "working on a menu" for us, which I'm imagining is going to be fucking spectacular since they've been working on it for the last week and a half. On the dress front, I'm pretty bummed out that as of today, a top contender for The One seems to be sold out, at least online. I didn't want to start trying anything on until I dropped some of my winter weight, but had I known this particular dress was in danger of selling out, I'd have bought it in the size I plan to be and returned it later if it didn't work out. Hindsight and all that. Anyway, I have a feeling finding the right dress will be a lot like finding the right guy and things seemed to have worked out on that front, even if I did have to try on a few bad fits first.

I did kind of think about music a little bit last week -- or at least what song I want to walk down the "aisle" to (there actually won't be a real aisle, so I'll have to improvise). I found out about this band that does string quartet covers of popular songs and for a minute I thought it might be kinda cool to walk down the aisle to their version of Viva la Vida before deciding that, no, that'd actually be pretty cheesy, actually. In the end I think I'm gonna go traditional on this part — a little Canon in D.

I'm pretty sure I've decided against having a wedding party, figuring our wedding will be so small, everyone who's invited should already feel like VIPs or whatever, and frankly, I don't really understand what a wedding party is supposed to do anyway. But I've already been met with some resistance to that decision, so. I don't know. It's weird, this whole "prove to me how important I am to you" aspect of weddings, from the guest list to the choice of officiant to the selection of a wedding party to the seating and all the little jobs you're expected to invent for friends so they feel more included in the event. I never really know when a job is an honor or a bother, and I fear I'm just destined to offend no matter what I do. Like, do I ask my photographer friend to take photos because I think she's great and would I'd rather have someone who actually knows us taking the photos? Or, is that just annoying for someone who'd rather enjoy the ceremony and not spend it working?

Anyhow, I wrote a little essay today over at the Frisky about my decision on the whole name-change thing, in case you still haven't gotten your fill of wedding-related talk.

That's all.

Comments

[teahouseblossom]

Nice essay!

I kept my name simply because I liked it better than my Husband's last name :o)

If you need wedding ceremony music, let me know. I can hook you up with any permutation of musicians you want, who can play pretty much anything you want.

[Elizabeth]

Warning - in case you are buying a "wedding dress" dress, they are usually not returnable at most stores - so check that out. When you are stressed and decide you need to get away - come to Boston!!!

[citywendy]

No, not a "wedding dress" dress, just a regular dress that happens to be white. Or not. I guess we'll see...

[Natalee]

1. It's YOUR day, don't worry about the self-importance of others. Considering how small your wedding will be, I'd consider none, or just a Maid of Honor and Best Man.

2. As far as photographers go, I recently shot a friend's wedding, and while I was "working", I enjoyed seeing the wedding through my lens, and knowing I was capturing important memories for people I cared about. Just make sure you give him/her a break at the reception to get a bite in!

3. Good luck with the dress! I ended up getting the one my mother wanted, and not the one I adored, and it still breaks my heart 11 years later. Petty, I know, but it is what it is.

[Natalee]

BTW, I didn't feel like registering at The Frisky, but I just wanted to say that I did take my husband's last name. Not only because of the emotional baggage that I had tied to my maiden name (deadbeat dad), but it was shorter, once syllable, and easier to say/remember/spell for everyone.

I don't think it really matters, and agree with you that a name is not a definition of who a person is.

[Anon]

The main job of the wedding party is to act as your witnesses to sign the marriage license. I think the second job is to hold the rings. I'd say you each have one person, let them pick what they want to wear, etc. And don't worry about seating charts and stuff like that! That's so big wedding, not something you need. About to read your name change thoughts. I don't think I ever really considered it, even though I guess a lot of women do take their husband's name. Just not my cup of tea.

[Anon]

Just read your name change essay. Interesting stuff. Funny to see how different it is in different parts of the country, different segments, etc. Most of my female friends are professional women and I would say less than 10% change their names. I'd guess many writers, doctors, etc. also generally keep their name. But many of my male professional friends marry women without graduate degrees or as many professional investments/ties, and they are perfectly happy to change their names.

The good news is, it's very common now for at least one parent to have a different last name from a child (either b/c of keeping a maiden name, children from prior marriages, whatever), so schools, insurance, etc. is becoming pretty adept at that.

[Beth]

I giggled at the person that wouldn't be able to attend and already sent their regrets; I had a friend that thought she was a bridesmaid.
WHAT?....I quickly thought....oh god, well...we'll just get more material for a dress, find another groomsman, tell my mom about the change etc. I didn't want to embarrass her etc.

Fortunately we had gone out for drinks and she had to tell me that she wouldn't be able to "participate." My first thought was "thank god I won't have to explain this to my dad"

[plumpdumpling]

My best friend just got married last weekend, and her flute quartet played David Bowie's "Let's Dance" as the recessional. And it was AMAZING.

Just sayin'.