Male Doctors Make Me Nervous

Today was a day I'd been dreading for the last ten days: I had to go in for my annual pelvic exam. As if stripping down to nothing but a shoddy paper gown, spreading my legs for a stranger, and having a piece of metal shoved up my cervix isn't bad enough, I had to see a male doctor. Now I've got nothing against male doctors, really — I'm sure there are plenty of very nice and professional ones, but I personally think when it comes to parts of the body that they don't have, they simply can't compete with their female counterparts. (Side note: I once saw THE Dr. McSteamy in an airport and, good god that man is hot.) And so I've always gone to female gynecologists, but today I had no choice in the matter — I went to a clinic for the under- and uninsured and they only had a male gynecologist, so it was either see him or skip my annual exam, which I'd be okay with if i didn't need it to get a prescription for birth control pills and let's face it — if there's anything worse than spreading your legs for a stranger, it's having a fucking baby, so birth control pills are sort of up there on my list of priorities. Actually, my list of priorities these days sort of looks like this:

1. Birth control pills
2. Cat litter
3. Beer
4. Hepatitis vaccine

...which I realize does nothing to dispel my reputation as one Klassy Broad.

Anyhow: the male doctor. He turned out to be fine. In fact, he was very kind and gracious and even figured out a way to get a full-range blood test covered under this whole cancer-screening program I'm part of. Side note: If you're a Klassy Broad living in New York and are under or uninsured, did you know you could qualify for this special cancer-screening program that will pay for all sorts of pelvic, HPV, breast, and colon-rectal testing? I didn't either! Apparently, they'll even send you home with a kit that allows you to test your own poop right in the comfort of your own home! For free! For the record, I passed on that one. Because I'm Klassy like that. But when I realized that this clinic was willing to throw all this free testing my way and that my doctor was pretty cool even though he was male, I just unloaded all these concerns, like how I'm tired all the time and my tongue is pale and also how I need a Hepatitis shot before I go to China this summer. And before I knew what was happening, there were about 500 tubes of my blood all lined up and a nurse was assuring me they'd know what was wrong with me in just a few days.

Another side note: I really, really hate needles. I mean I HATE THEM. I hate having my blood drawn and getting shots and having things shoved into orifices and I will avoid all of that mess at almost all costs, even if it means feeling sick forever, because  you know what's worse than feeling sick forever? Having your skin pricked for 2 seconds! But my fear of needles is trumped by my love of getting things for free, so when my doctor figured out a way to give me all these free blood tests, I had no choice but to suck it up and let the nurse prick me. It sucked, of course, but worse than the pain and discomfort of the needle prick, was the nurse's effort to small-talk me. The doctor did this as well when he had his finger up my cervix, and I just don't understand it. I mean, I hate small talk at cocktail parties and in elevators, and I definitely hate small talk in the doctor's office. I know they were just trying to keep my mind off what was happening, but seriously, asking me what my favorite neighborhood restaurant is does not make me forget that you have your finger up my vagina. It just doesn't.

Anyway, I'll have rest results back in just a few days, at which time I'll know for sure whether I'm normal or not.

Comments

[vespa rossa]

Hey Wendy,

I live in NY and was laid off a few weeks ago, therefore am always on the lookout for ways to get medical attention sans insurance. It's time for my annual check-up, too...would you mind sending me the info for your clinic?

Thanks!

[Natalee]

I've only ever had male OB/GYNs, and would probably find having a woman one weird, though I don't know why since we share the same anatomy.

And I'm there with you about FREE stuff-I'll just about jump through hoops of fire to score stuff free, especially medical tests.

[Maria]

Hey Wendy. I've been to both male and female gyno's and I must say I REALLY prefer the male ones. Women have the parts but aren't too gentle down there. Men have a much more delicate touch because they don't want to hurt the lady parts, at least in my experience

[Samantha (AKA Ditsy)]

You made me laugh all the way through this article.

You still have it girl! (not that it was in any doubt)

[GrizzBabe]

Needles I can handle for the most part as long as I don't have to go through the embarrasement of pulling down my pants. What I hate is that little thing they prick your finger with to draw blood. It hurts way more than the needle.

[bb]

please tell me the doctor didn't really put his finger up your cervix... that's simply got to be creative hyperbolic license there.

otherwise i'd suggest you shell out the bucks for a girl doctor.

[Alice]

You had me laughing like crazy there too!

I had a great Korean male doctor back when I was in the U.S., and he was a specialist -- he had a wonderful bedside manner. I've been mostly seeing female OB/GYNs since I've been in France, but I've got to admit that I haven't had the best of luck with my most recent experiences (namely since I've been pregnant)... My doc right now is supposed to be infinitely wonderful, but she breezes me in and out of her office in QUITE the hurry... She's published a book on fertility, yes, but I think she may have overloaded her patient docket, if you see what I mean! Tough to fit in any questions or concerns... (Now mind you, I'm not complaining, though, because I know the medical and social system in France is excellent, so I'm aware of how lucky I am to benefit from this!)

Needless to say, I think you'd be shocked by how we are examined in France, too -- no nurses standing by to oversee things, just the doc herself -- and her desk is in the same room with the examining table, with just a tiny folding wall between you and her -- you undress right there and climb up on the table! Then afterwards you get dressed again and walk three steps over to the chair in front of her desk.

It's odd, yes -- but you get used to it!

Oh, and BTW, I used to hate needles too -- several times I almost passed out after having some blood drawn! -- but again, since the beginning of my pregnancy, I've gotten more used to them, basically because I had no choice! Monthly prickings and all...

[The Writer]

What's worse than having a male gyno? How about a single, blond-haired, blue eyed adorable male gyno??

[teahouseblossom]

Hey, I'm sorry it was traumatic..these things always are. But getting free medical care in the U.S. is like finding a nugget of gold!

[Al_Pal]

They scare me too. I've never had a male gyno, fortunately.
LOL at all the Klassy things! ;D

Here via some other BlogHer network thing. :P

[Mikey]

I had a male pediatrician when I was young and unfortunately it was a very bad experience that I have had to deal with all my life. I can't even be with women who have had a male gyno, which are all of them so far :*( . I want to kill myself, but my family doesn't deserve the pain. Please remember that you always have a choice, and never trust a male gyno.

[Juliet]

I'm sorry to hear of your bad experience Mikey.
I also never make light of a woman's preference for a female Dr. I worked at the Medical Board for several years and saw the terrible damage these men do - many women struggle for life, avoiding Doctors altogether...
I don't see male doctors for anything - I heard too much and know too much...
If women are happy to see male doctors, then that's their choice, but never just accept a male Dr - if it's not your preference, get up and leave...
It may save you a lifetime of anguish.

[Deborah]

I think lots of these gyn exams and tests are unnecessary and harmful...
Look at the research by Dr Angela Raffle and Prof Michael Baum (cancer screening expert and breast cancer surgeon respectively)
Did you know 1000 women have to be screened for 35 years to save one woman from cervical cancer?
Did you know your lifetime risk (with regular screening) of colposcopy (false positives) is 77%...
Did you know that cervical cancer is an uncommon cancer, not an epidemic...
That the pap smear is an unreliable test with lots of false positives and negatives...
In an unscreened population, only 1.58% of Australian women would get cervical screening.
Did you know that most abnormal smears would never develop into cancer yet women are sent for invasive and harmful biopsies. (mentally and physically)...
Women don't receive risk information - we're bullied, frightened, intimidated or "required" to have smears to get the Pill - there is no informed consent.
It's disgraceful....
Knowledge is Power...google Prof Michael Baum and read his Article called Screening Wars....
Did you also, know that GP's in the UK and Australia receive an incentive to recruit women into cervical screening? In my opinion, this is unethical as it deters the release of risk information.
I do not participate in cervical screening and have now rejected mammograms - the research about the latter is quite frightening - it may INCREASE your chance of getting breast cancer and false positives and detecting Ductal Carcinoma In Situ means mastectomies and other treatment for cancers that would never have bothered you or didn't exist in the first place.
The DCIS is similar to the slow moving type of prostate cancer...many middle aged and older women have it...once biopsied, it can become aggressive and invasive and once discovered, it usually means surgery.
I care too much about my health and body to deliver myself up for that lot.
This is about power, control and making money (and getting votes) - nothing to do with womens health.