For Good

I've been using copies of the Chicago Reader to pack all my belongings in boxes to be shipped out to storage on Saturday morning. Ironically, the cover story of this week's Reader is about the staff's favorite things in Chicago. Somehow, it seems almost poetic that I'm wrapping my coffee mugs and Pier 1 vases in articles about the sweet spot at the Empty Bottle and matinees at the Music Box. I wonder, months from now when I'm settled in New York and a new apartment, if I'll feel a tinge of homesickness while unpacking my stuff as I'm reminded of Chicago's charm in the wrinkled, crumpled pages of the Reader.

Oh, I'll miss you, Chicago. I'll miss your vast lake and tree-lined streets and neighborhood summer fests. I'll miss all the things I always meant to do and never got around to. I'll miss the inky-haired Palestinian woman who owns the Middle Eastern Bakery on Foster and Clark and always waves the 13 cents I can't seem to find in my change purse when I'm paying for my baklava and falafel. And I'll miss the owner of the liquor store across the street whom, when I showed up with my gay best friend  five years ago and a bouquet of flowers I took home from my flower shop gig, I managed to convince I'd just gotten married. And I'll miss Winnemac Park where I've whiled away many an hour on my back staring at the sky from my spot under the weeping willow tree daydreaming about nothing and everything all at the same time.

And I'll miss my apartment where I've lived for 3 years and 3 months--the longest I've ever lived anywhere in my life. I'll miss the way the light floods the livingroom in the early afternoon and how all my things fit perfectly and I never once had to compromise with anyone about what color to paint the walls and what to put where and how much room I could have in the closet.

"I'm going to miss all my friends," I said to Niki last week on our final visit to Hollywood Beach, flicking a piece of sand from beneath my fingernail, "I'm really gonna miss you all."

And I said it again to myself on Saturday as I jogged down Glenwood for one of the last times. I said it to myself and suddenly I couldn't get enough air and I was inhaling desperately, trying to fill my lungs, and I couldn't, and I started choking back tears, and I sat on the curb and untied and retied the laces of my tennis shoes just to have something else to focus on besides how much everything in my life is about to change and I'm going to a place where I know hardly anyone and nothing's ever going to be the same.

"Yeah," Niki replied back at the beach, "But in just a few days you're going to be with your best friend and you're going to be able to see him all the time."

And after a year and a half of quick hellos and too many good-byes and almost 30 roundtrip flights between us and countless hours in the airport and on buses and trains and in taxi cabs just to get to one another, there's nothing that sounds better right now than seeing Drew in a couple of days and knowing that this time it's for good.

So, good-bye, Windy City.
I'll post again next week from the Big Apple.

Comments

[brookem]

you will carry all of these chicago memories with you for a lifetime. best of luck to you in your travels and in starting out your new adventure in ny with your man, your best friend.

[megara]

Good luck! I moved from Mexico to Montréal to be with the man I love! It was the best decision although not the easiest. I changed countries, I learned a new language, I waited for my work permit and meanwhile I was a kept woman. Right now I'm looking for a job which is what I dreaded the most, not because I don't want to work but because it's so different and so hard on my self-esteem... but nothing ever makes me think that I should've stayed. It will be the same for you, every day will be an awesome adventure!

[Jill]

Good luck on your new adventure! I'm sure everything will be great :)

[theysaysilenceisgold]

Quitting long distance for everyday life together is fantastic. It's sad leaving things behind, but "this time it's for good" will make it worth it. Travel safe.

[Elizabeth]

As someone who has lived in the same state all her life, I admire your braveness. Good luck!

[Em]

It's going to be great. There is nothing wrong with missing Chicago, but you're going to have such a great time in New York. And you'll have another friend, just a couple hours away!

[leenie]

delurking to say huzzah for you!

happy happy moving. can't wait to hear it all goes!

[Becca]

Good luck! Your entry made me mist up with my own Chicago love. Aw.

[Lori]

Yay! Good luck with the move! I can't wait to hear about your life in NYC!

[Alice]

Oh my God, this is it! What a beautiful post, a beautiful tribute to Chicago and a lovely farewell to a place you love... in the move to a new place you will very soon love -- with the one person in the world you will love to share it with! Your best friend, like your friend Niki said. Chicago will always hold a special place in your heart, but I have a feeling that New York and everything/everyone that comes with it is going to quickly find a special place in your heart too. It's going to be GREAT. I wish you so much happiness! You really deserve it.

I'm a dork, but I can't wait to see the new blog name! :)

[Gabby]

Life is about moving forward, right? I can't think of anything more forward than moving to New York to be with the guy you love. I bet you will love it. I lived in Chicago for just one year, but I love that I can go back and not feel like such a tourist. You'll always have Chicago! Good luck! And I'm with Alice, I can't wait to see the new blog name.

[nikoline]

you really made me miss chicago in this post - but also made me feel excited about new beginnings! am sending good thoughts as you make your way to new york!

[Colin]

I swear I'll come to NYC and personally kick your butt if you ever become a Yankees or Mets fan.

[ChicagoJen]

Good luck! Can't wait to read about NYC...

[citywendy]

Colin, you do know that Drew's a die-hard Yankees fan, right? That the Yankees are second to me only because they don't have boobs? I'm afraid liking them is just part of the deal...

[Marit]

Delurking to wish you well in NYC. I can't wait to read about your transition from the Windy City to the Big City.

My boyfriend is in the process of moving too, as soon as he locks down a job--he'll be under my roof. I am more than ready. Long distance relationships suck---but they sure make a strong couple.

Good luck, Wendy!

[Colin]

Arrggh, nooooo! All right, future Yankees fan, get ready for a future, in-person butt-kicking. Oh, and the Yankees do have boobs. Lots of 'em. Still, I guess you gotta go with the locals, boobs and all. Have a safe trip and write soon.

[Rachael B.]

Hey, Wendy. You don't know me, but I'm Sarah Hatter's friend from California (I rode with her on her last road trip back to Chicago, and I think I'm on her piture wall drinking Starbucks or something).
Anyway--I really enjoyed reading your post. It was insightful and delicately worded.
I'm working on my MA in English and I teach Composition at Cal Poly, so I like to think I know my stuff. This was really good.
Good luck with everything.