In a Yellow Wood

"Do you sometimes wish you could be in a long distance relationship forever?" he asked.

"Uh, no." I replied.

"Really? You don't?" he said, "It seems like it would be perfect."

"No, it pretty much sucks," I answered.

It was Saturday afternoon and I was drinking Margaritas at Garcias in Lincoln Square with a friend of mine who lives with his significant other.

"Don't get me wrong," he said, "I'm the happiest I've ever been--in the healthiest, most loving relationship of my life, but I sometimes think it would be better if we didn't live together."

"Well, that's totally normal," I answered, having lived with a boyfriend for several years in my mid-20's, "And anyway, there's a big different between not living together and being 1400 miles apart. Trust me, you might feel a little close for comfort sometimes, but that doesn't mean you'd like a long distance relationship--they pretty much suck."

"I guess I just thought in an LDR you have the best of both worlds," he said.

"Oh, like spending hundreds of dollars just to see your significant other, waiting for hours and hours in airports because your flight's been delayed and then sometimes cancelled, having a bad day and wanting nothing more than to just hang out with your boyfriend, eating pizza and watching bad tv together but having to make do with a stupid phone conversation and bad reception? It sucks!!" I exclaimed.

But then as I sucked down some more of my margarita, I thought about the last year and how my life has changed, and my stance on LDRs softened a bit. There is something to be said for them, for the way you get to simultanesouly experience single life and coupledom--how some weekends are devoted to your friends and your hobbies and yourself, and some weekends are all about the love.

"It's not always so bad," I said.

"Really?" my friend replied.

"Well, like right now. I get to spend the afternoon chilling with you and after we hang out, I'll probably go flip through some gossip magazines at Borders and maybe tonight I'll go out with the girls or I'll just get some Thai takeout, catch up on season 2 of The Office, read a little of my book and go to bed early. If NYMan and I lived in the same city, my Saturday would be totally different, and sometimes it's nice to just do exactly what I want and not have to worry about someone else. But," I continued, taking another sip of my margarita,"as I experience both lives at the same time--the single one and the coupled one, I can tell you that I'd take the coupled one in a minute."

"Really?" he said, "Why?"

"Because NYMan makes me happy. We always have a good time together. Because when I'm with him, things are just easy...and fun...and I feel great. I'm not worried about work or bills or stress or any of that stupid shit. I don't know...it's just good. And even though I'm comfortable alone-- I enjoy my own company and I've got good friends to do stuff with and I can be happy by myself, I'd rather be with him. And I miss him when we're apart."

"Wendy," he replied, "That's really great."

"Hmm." I said. "I guess it is. Isn't it?"

The thing is, if it weren't for the long distance, I doubt NYMan an I would be a couple. I'm such a commitment phobe--always falling for the wrong guy to avoid a serious relationship and ignoring the right one just under my nose, that I think it took an obstacle like 1400 miles to keep me from running, and to provide the unique perspective I needed to see a good thing.

Also, margaritas. They always help me see a good thing, too. NYMan and I met on Cinco de Mayo after all, you know.