Dear Wendy ANSWERS

Yesterday, I asked for you to send in your problems so I could take a stab at fucking with your life. Thanks to those of you who emailed and left comments:

Dear Wendy,

I fear I am 'unboyfriendable' but I've met 3 amazing guys in the past 2 months.
1. Why are they all over 6'5? Tallness is not a requirement, these men chose me. 2. Should I pick one and go with it? 3. Is this just hopeless?  4. If not...how do I not screw these up? 5. Dating is so confusing.
Please fuck with my life. It can't be worse than me fucking with it. -- Unboyfriendable

Dear Unboyfriendable,

When I was a kid visiting my grandparents in St. Louis for the summer, my grandmother used to keep a box of popsicles in the freezer that I'd get into every afternoon after watching back-to-back episodes of You Can't Do That on Television.  I liked the lime flavor the best, but I also enjoyed Rootbear, Watermelon, Cherry, and Grape.  And you know what?  It was summertime, I was young and active, the popsicles were only, like, 10 calories each, and the whole box cost a buck-something, so I didn't limit myself! 

You, my dear, have a box of popsicles in front of you -- a box of delicious, 6'5" popsicles, just melting in the Autumn sun, and yet, here you are whining about how hungry you are.  Don't you see the popsicles?!  Eat the popsicles!!  Eat them and enjoy them and don't worry about limiting yourself just yet.  Sometimes you have to sample them all for awhile before you know your favorite flavor.

Dear Wendy,

My divorce lawyer is causing more problems than he's fixing. I'm sticking with him because I think I'll just spend more money and delay the process even longer if I switch now to a new attorney. Dr. Wendy, I'd like you to fuck with my life as best you can; what should I dooooo???

mini jon b

One time I saw this stylist and she gave me a great cut, so I saw her again.  The second time, the cut wasn't so good, but I decided maybe she was just having a bad day, so I saw her again.  The third cut was terrible, but by this time I thought surely it was a fluke and if I just stuck it out she'd give me another glorious cut just like that first time.  You know what happened?  She continued to suck and I wasted months and months (not to mention money) living with a hairstyle I couldn't stand.

Don't be a jerk like I was.  Why pay for a service that's terrible?  This is America -- we have choices -- choices in popsicles, hair stylists, spouses, and divorce attorney's, so go exercise your right to choose.

Dear Wendy,

I hate my job, but I can't quit because I need the money.  I never went to college, and I would except that I don't know what to study. (I'm not terribly bothered by it but I figured you'd want something to respond to) Whatever shall I do?! -- Fancythis

Great jobs are hard to come by -- even for college grads.  Most people hate going to work, and we'd all like to be rich enough to do whatever the fuck we want.  If your co-workers leave you alone for the most part, your boss is tolerable, you make enough to cover your bills and can buy cute shoes and take yourself on vacation, then you're ahead of most people.  Tuck a little money away into savings, start investing, fill you off-time with activities and people you love.  Take different classes to discover new interests and meet new people -- you never know where new paths and connections might lead.

Dear Wendy, My EX-BF cheated on me. Should I burn his crap before returning it, or is it enough to just vandalize it to the point he won't want any of it back? -- Julene

Return his crap?  Return?!  When a cheater cheats, he forfeits his right to have back anything he's left at the cheatee's.  Sell his crap on ebay and take the money to pay for a fabulous haircut and a relaxing massage.

Dear Wendy,

Hello.  Yesterday I turned 35.  I went shopping and found myself wandering around the store thinking, "I'm lost; there's nothing here for me." Everything looked either too old lady-ish or way too extra-low cut. I want to look like the hip mom I am, not like a wanna-be teenager or Emily on the Gilmore girls.  It's so frustrating. Any recommendations?

Jennifer

First, happy belated birthday!  Some of the finest -- and most stylish -- women I know are 35.  The best thing you can do for yourself is buy a great a pair of jeans -- they'll make your ass look fabulous and you'll feel like a million bucks.  I like 7 for all Mankind and Paper Denim and Cloth (try Ebay, and Filene's Basement for majorly discounted designer jeans!).   In the Fall, you can pair jeans with a great blazer, like this tweed one from Banana Republic.  Get a leather belt and a hip belt buckle, and you'll be set.   I love anthropologie, too, where you can find cute pants, like these, which you can pair with a little hoodie for a laid-back weekend look.  Try J Crew for the perfect Fall skirts for work -- pair them with some brown boots and look oh-so-polished and sophisticated.  Don't forget accessories!  Basically, just check the whole accessory category here for some great ideas.  And above all -- avoid trends, like leggings over mini-skirts, and all that other corny 80-'s inspired shit the kids are wearing -- at 35, you'll just look desperate in those get-ups, and not like the hip mama you are!

Do you have a problem I cna help with?  Email me, and I'll do my best to make your life a little easier.

Comments

[Unboyfriendable]

Thank you, Wendy.
It's easy to lose perspective sometimes. Delicious popsicles await!

You should "fuck" with people's lives more often. You're good.

[ChicagoJen]

First, I never thanked you for giving me advice a few weeks back. Thanks! And well done. And it's really not a problem anymore. Maybe I just needed to unload.

Second- You are channeling E.Jean from Elle on some of these responses (and I love it!)

Third- As I near 35, good to know that I should not be trying the leggings and skirt trick!

[Desiree]

Ah, I just wrote about the HORROR that is the current clothing selection in America. I agree with your asker, I am neither a Guttter Slut nor a frumpy school marm. Thank you for your suggestions. I am 25 and can find nothing to wear, at least now I have a slim ray of hope.

[Beth]

Wendy, if you could possibly find a way to send the 6'5 popsicles that unboyfriendable doesn't want over the pond to this 6ft chick, I'd be way appreciative.

If not, then I guess you can't help. But I'm sure you would if you could and its absolutely the thought that counts.

[minijonb]

thanks wendy. i needed that.

after speaking with my attorney yesterday, he said some good, agressive things... and he gets one more shot. that might have been a cave in by me, but it's his last shot.

one more question: Dr. Wendy: Why don't you even come by and comment on my blog? You could really, really fuck with my life over there
= ; - )

[Unboyfriendable]

Beth,

I WANT the 6'5" popsicles; I'm just scared of the popsicles' propensity to melt away as I savor them.

But I'll try to send some tall boys your way. 'Cause I'm nice like that.

Tall popsicles for all!