Conversations I have had in the last few months with the devil on my shoulder (also known as "I'm sort of a mess"):
Devil: You need a challenge.
Me: Like tackling the dishes in my sink or something?
Devil: That, or training for the marathon.
Me: I have really bad knees and get bored after about an hour of running.
Devil: Nah, it'll be fun!
Me: Huh, I never thought about it that way -- sounds good!
Devil: So, what are you going to do when you finish graduate school in a few months?
Me: Gah, I don't know...teach, maybe. Do you have any ideas?
Devil: Well, I was sort of thinking you should start a PhD program.
Me: Huh. I sort of hate school.
Devil: No big deal -- it's just a PhD program!
Me: You're right! So smart.
Devil: You need a parttime job.
Me: Oh really? Like what?
Devil: I don't know, how about teaching writing workshops to ex-convicts?
Me: Ex-convicts?
Devil: Sure, it'll be great -- they'll love you, all white and privileged and stuff.
Me: You think?
Devil: Oh, sure.
Me: Okay! Sounds good to me.
Devil: Your love life is kind of boring me lately.
Me: Really? But I've been so at peace!
Devil: Peace is boring!! Do you know any emotionally unavailable guys?
Me: Sure, I know a few.
Devil: You should pursue them.
Me: But they're unavailable! Won't I just get hurt like I always do?
Devil: No way, it'll be different this time, you'll see. Hello?? Who can resist your charm?
Me: Oh! I guess no one!
Devil: That's right -- now go get 'em!
Me: 'Kay!
Devil: Hey, do you have any money saved up?
Me: Um, a little, why?
Devil: I was thinking maybe you could buy a mac and go on some vacations.
Me: Oh, well, I don't have a job lined up after graduation and I'll have to start paying back my thousands and thousands of dollars in loans really soon.
Devil: Nah, no need to worry about that sort of thing now -- worry about it in a few months when you're 30!
Me: Okay, that makes sense!
Devil: Hey, does everyone in your life know about your blog?
Me: I don't really know. I doubt it. I mean, not everyone.
Devil: I was thinking it might be kind of cool if you posted your picture and full name and maybe increased your online presence so that anyone you might have ever known or will ever meet can find your blog and read all about what a neurotic mess you are.
Me: Don't you think that might hurt my dating life...and maybe even my job search ...and stuff like that? Won't I feel a little, you know, exposed?
Devil: Listen, if anything, your dating life will sky-rocket and everyone will want to employ you!!
Me: Wow, what a good idea! Thanks, devil-on-my-shoulder -- you're the best!!
Devil: Anytime. Now, don't you think it's time for another drink?
Me: I do!
Devil: That's my girl.
i am so glad to hear D talks to you, too...
Posted by: jeremy (from myspace) | March 14, 2006 at 05:45 PM
I was kind of wondering where the hell that crazy little devil had gotten to. Glad to see his is as busy with you as he has been with me.
Posted by: Loose String | March 14, 2006 at 06:15 PM
What?!? You mean thats not your pic already posted ????
sheesh.
:)
Posted by: Todd | March 15, 2006 at 07:13 AM
glad to know that the devil is not just MY life coach...seems as though he is brilliantly providing you with stellar advice as well. he's pimping himself out all over the shop! that tenacious d...warms my heart.
Posted by: nickel | March 15, 2006 at 07:22 AM
Oh, I laughed hard at this one. And I was going to make a 'your devil goes drinking with my devil comment', but everyone else beat me to it.
Posted by: ap | March 15, 2006 at 07:57 AM
You taught/teach writing to ex-convicts?!
Your devil sounds like a partier! Mine just tells me to sleep and eat and blow off school by sleeping and eating, oh and watching movies. Let's trade devils for a week. I'll have fun and you'll get some rest.
Posted by: Allie Ann | March 15, 2006 at 10:26 AM
Sometimes I wonder where all the fret and pondering goes when my lips mouth out the very words that my D whispers into my ears.
Then I just shrug and have another glass of wine!
Listening to your D has its plusses.
Posted by: cinnamongirl | March 15, 2006 at 01:50 PM
are you studying writing? have you mentioned it before?
Posted by: stephen | March 15, 2006 at 03:13 PM
I think my Devil must be a pothead, since he just wants me to eat junk, lay around, and plants crazy ideas in my head. Good thing I never touch the stuff.
Posted by: paradigmBias | March 15, 2006 at 03:46 PM
Stephen, I am studying to be a writing teacher.
Posted by: citywendy | March 17, 2006 at 09:46 AM
Is this me talking or you? Strange...
Posted by: Liz | March 20, 2006 at 02:05 PM
Wow, is that every hilarious. Especially the part about unavailable men.
Wow--your Devil really wants you to work! Much like the others who have posted, my Devil makes me lay around like a lump on a log, eat trans-fat-full food, smoke lots of cigarettes, and watch re-runs of the Anna Nicole Smith show. Maybe my Devil needs some psychiatric help, though...at least the smoke with the cigarettes fits the bill..
Posted by: Spirophita | March 22, 2006 at 02:34 PM