T Minus Four Hours
Back when I lived with my ex-boyfriend, I had to monitor my behavior in that way you do when you live with a significant other and you don't want to be picked on all the time for the little things you do that are just fine to do when you live alone, but when you live with someone else, apparently they're like the worst habits in the world or something, and ugh, why do people ever move in together, seriously? Thankfully, I'd already gotten the head-banging under control, but I had to learn to close the bathroom door, because, I'm sorry, I don't care how close a couple might be, there really are some things that need to remain private. I also had to clean more frequently because even though I am sort of a neat-freak and really pretty tidy and all, my boyfriend was a Virgo like I am, which meant we'd get totally obsessive and competitive and judgmental, with all-out wars over little tiny specks or dust and ketchup marks on the counter, it was exhausting. But, nothing, nothing was as tired as his complaining over my Bachelor habit.
"I can't believe you watch this boring show," said the golf-channel enthusiast.
"I like it!" I'd say defensively.
"This is what's wrong with our relationship," he'd counter, " You watch this crap and this is how you think love is supposed to be. It's not even real!"
Apparently, he thought a "real" relationship was cleaning frenzies, completely separate lives, and boredom so thick, you'd need a jackhammer to dent it. But, I digress!!
The Bachelor is, in fact, a totally worthwhile show certain to bring couples together if the boys would just give it a chance. How bonding is it to just sit around maybe in your underwear, eating wings, and talking trash about 25 desperate bachelorettes and one, single bachelor whose sexuality is almost always questionable? It's terribly bonding!!
Anyway, the big finale is tonight and after weeks of speculation, we'll all find out the bachelor's final choice! Will it be Sarah, the big bore from Nashville, or Moana, the emotionally unstable chick from LA?? And will Travis propose marriage, or just give one of those dorky promise rings or such and suggest "getting to know each other better"? Oh my god, the excitement is killing me. And if this isn't love, I don't know what is!
Is it wrong that I called my mom, who is a fanatical watcher, (I dapple at best) because she is a time zone behind us to gloat about knowing who he picked?
Hehehe!
I do it playfully, of course. It's sort of something we've done since I moved away. Bonding, if you will.
Posted by:cinnamongirl | February 27, 2006 at 08:33 PM
I can't possibly watch that show because of the raging jealousy I feel over some schmuck who gets to date, make-out, screw, fondle, wine & dine, romance, and lie to 25 women and all of them will still fight tooth and nail to be the last girl with him. I'd love to moan in moral outrage but that would only confirm my hypocrisy because, let's face it: if the real world were like this show, that would be the fucking dream lifestyle. Lots of action, and the guy gets to be the one who chooses the commitment. So no, I do not like that show because I'm jealous of another guy and disgusted with myself that I want to be him. I hope he makes whichever woman very, very happy and he gets really poor and ugly in a year. 'Kay, done ranting now. Back to my grumpy grading of papers late at night.
Posted by:Colin | February 27, 2006 at 08:46 PM
Oh my God, seriously, he chose that big ol' bore, Sarah?! What a moron. I mean, don't get me wrong, Moana was no prize, either, what with her complete and utter inabiity to keep even a shred of emotions and dignity in check, but still, SARAH?!
I mean, did they have any a tiny ounce of chemistry? No! Not even an ounce. They were so fucking lame together, seriously.
Why do men always go for the easy ones? I'm not talking about sexually easy, I mean EASY, like simple, post-cheerleader, all I want to do is rub your back when you get home from work and cook you dinner and have a little sarah jr., an a travis jr., and live happily ever after, easy.
Where's the hope for us complicated girls? This is depressing. I feel depressed. Men don't like complicated. They like boring.
Posted by:citywendy | February 28, 2006 at 03:24 AM
I didn't watch this all season but then I read your post adn I ended up watching a great deal of this. I thought for sure he would pick Moana! They clearly had chemistry and it was complicated and interesting. But, no, he chose bland boring beige Sarah. Ick. Now they can go and have boring bland babies and be happy/bored in their boring perfect life together. How obnoxious. But I think boring men like boring, and I have hopes that complicated INTERESTING men like us.
Right? Anyone??
Posted by:Em | February 28, 2006 at 07:22 AM
PS. Moana's complete limo breakdown was painful. I felt like "get it together, woman, you are on TV!" God. Horrible.
Posted by:Em | February 28, 2006 at 07:23 AM
OMG, the breakdown in the limo? I couldn't even watch it all -- it was just terrible!!!
Posted by:citywendy | February 28, 2006 at 07:44 AM
Nah I have to disagree, there's nothing that really "has to remain private". I used to think so until the last girl I was serious with had me watching her pee after like 2 months. and not in a sexual way. I got over it quickly, turns out it's not a big deal after all. I think it's similar to the whole janet jackson's boob on t.v. scandal. People, especially in america, have so much difficulty accepting the human body for what it is: natural, beautiful, mundane all at the same time. Of course, if the smell would cause pain then it's just being considerate to close the door. ;)
And now I'm with a different girl who watches the bachelor. Oh lord. I wouldn't exactly call it boring since there is some entertainment value in watching the hysterics. But unrealistic, superficial, cheesy, fake, snobbish, materialistic, pretty much everything I'd avoid in a woman? Yeah I'd go there.
Posted by:stephen | February 28, 2006 at 12:45 PM
The breakdown in the limo was lined with issues! And just when I was starting to like her.
Not that I liked Sarah.
But really, what's-his-face annoyed me for some reason. He seemed smug sometimes, I guess.
Anyways, now he and flippy Sarah can go back to Nash-vegas and begin their reproductive stages.
Posted by:cinnamongirl | February 28, 2006 at 02:56 PM
Stephen: that's the brilliance of The Bachelor -- we can watch all that terrible-ness from the comfort of our livingrooms and be glad we are not and do not have women like that in our real lives!
Posted by:citywendy | February 28, 2006 at 05:10 PM
It's so good to know that other people talk trash about those stupid girls too! I tried to watch a little of this season but the girls were soooo brain numbing I couldn't watch for more than ten minutes.
Posted by:One Girl | February 28, 2006 at 08:18 PM
I got my Boyfriend hooked on it (after bitching and complaining, then he was the one that would remind me "hey, TIVO recorded it right???"... and we both were shocked that he choose Sarah... No wonder he had to go on a show to find a girlfriend - I give it 2 months before their faces are splatter on the cover of US with the all familiar "It' OVER" slashed across the top.
Posted by:Monica | March 01, 2006 at 05:32 AM